Hey Stephen I've got 50 reasons why I should be the one you choose

You probably have heard of my pseudonym, Taylor Swift. Some refer to me as Tswizzy, Tay tay, or down right crazy bitch. At least that's what I hear my ex's call me. Heyyo. *snaps back into reality* Phew, I almost got so mesmerized by staring at all the posts of my exs on my celling as I sing You belong With Me into my broken hairbrush filled with a good knot or two.

So, I'm kidding about I'm really Tswift act. If I was taylor, the last thing I would be doing is blogging because quite frankly, i'd stick to instagram. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY LIKES SHE GETS?

Here I sit, another wednesday passes me by and I have about 0 and a half to blog about that might actually be relatable to you, thus another post of stupidity via Sunshiney Rach. I think this is a really lame attempt at what we americans call bribing or convincing? I don't think that should happen in dating but fingers crossed le certain someone isn't bored at work one day and stumbles across this pleading shenans. If thats even the right term. Without further adieu...50...or like x amount of reasons why I should be the one you choose.

I want you to be my valentine. As simple as that. What girl doesn't love to indulge in endless Roses and box o' chocolates? Yeah, EVERY GIRL. THATS WHO. I like all the cute picstiches of girls saying "they have THE BEST BOYFRIENDS EVER!!". Which statement makes no sense by the way. Don't get me started on this debate.

For starters I am having the best Kings of Leon and Vampire Weekend jam sesh today. So be proud. Oh, you say you don't like them you say? Well aren't I just the worlds worst date-ee. I should be fired. Or nexted. Does anyone remember that MTV show? Just me? Well if you 'next' me, I'm pretty sure you owe me billions.

I'm cultured in the sense that I like art museums, binge netflixing, and drinking a strawberry daiquiri. 

I am willing to take the money I normally spend on myself to buy things because I need a hardcore dose or five of retail therapy and instead spend it on YOU. Oh boy. I mean doesn't that just make you want to drop everything meet me in the pouring rain and paint me like one of those french models? and just pop the fun question right here and now? It's ok, I know how much you are dyyyyying for a nice new button down c/o J.Crew....

I also make a mean concoction. Like tell me how last night I couldn't find wine (thanks snowstorm, ya blow), so I decided to make do with what I had. Grape Juice and Vodka. I'm crafty. 

I like selfies. with you. Let's get that selfie game going.

I'm Jewish so that means I'm *almost* a perfect mother in the works. I'm sorry if I panic when you say you have a cold because although I can be independent other than anything besides good cooking, I'll be right over in five with some soup. and advil. and every other cough remedy in the world. I'll double text you (or triple) if I'm worrying about your location being safe or not (or wait...am I just clingy? Nahhh..). I may annoy you sometimes with my paranoid personality (already have, I know), but just think you would rather have someone who cares versus someone who only cares about getting drunk every 5 seconds. Right? If not....NEXTTTTTTT!! #Neurotic 

Take me I'll take YOU to baseball and basketball games. 

Do we have ourselves a deal?

You thought I was cray before this post? Psh, I'd run now. Kidding ;-)

(how to) dodge that stage 5 clinger tonight

A last post of 2013? 2013 couldn't be complete until I posted one last time about guys. No really, the mother earth told me she would hold back a clock or two until I blogged about the male species once more. A ton of you are going out tonight (and by a ton I mean all the worlds population), putting on your drunky pants, NYE-guy goggles, pregaming to some Timber (you do this too, right?) and grabbing your best friends closer as the creepy guy who keeps buying you drinks 'party boy's' on your sweet it's-almost-time-for-the-ball-to-drop ass.

If you are taken, g-d bless your damn soul and be thankful you don't have to deal with the crazies.

But for all you people who don't have a ring on no finger, or your 'married'/'in a relationship' with your bestie on Facebook (It's 2014 [WEIRD TO SAY], do people still do this?), just make sure to follow these guidelines.

Buddy system. You've been doing it since before you can even remember. You're mother told you to ALWAYS make sure to bring a friend with you when going out to the local bowling alley on a friday night with your glittered limited-too purse in hand, right? So why would it be different now? The worlds an odd place, and you never know what could be out there. Creepy, but then again, it's just a girl thing. Are you even a girl if you don't do this? Also, flagging away guys when saying something along the lines of oops, I gotta go pee is a great escape plan. 100% effective as seen from recent studies (Source: My own damn life). 

Lesbihonest, dance floor edition. We all love to shake what our mothers have given us, practice improve our grinding skills (VOM) on that tall hunk of random man-ness. Until he starts grabbing you and you get some chilly ass vibes. And I mean the vibes that he either has a voodoo doll of you on his nightstand or he's secretly a wizard, turns you into a leprechaun and sticks you in a cage in his pocket. First degree chills right there. My plans when this happens? It's usually along the lines of dancing like a crazy person and producing absolute nonsense with your partner in crime. Not only is is fun, but guys realize you basically have slim to non 'hot' dance moves. Which I don't mind (sometimes). And they are out of there faster than you can think 'Have I seen you on tinder before?'

Can I has yo number? Really, bless YOUR soul and check your sanity on a sanity-monitor (totes a thing...) because lady, if he's creepy you step away, no matter how many shots of fireball were truly consumed. Or cups of wine. Because I like wine. #Cla$$y. If you decide that your drunk goggles are truly to blame and not your brain thinking it's okay to make bad decisions, just remember that you're obvi on the buddy system. Your great escapes can include: 1) Awkwardly wave off into the distance at a stranger (that's far enough for him to not creep, either) and pretend its your boyfriend who just went to get you more fireball shots. 2) Pretend you really can't hear him because the new Christina Agulara song about her body or something is playing and you shriek to your friend like a five year old girl getting the chance to meet one direction and you pull a 'sneak under the table' type scenario and run into the crowd on the dance floor. Is it obvious that I've experienced this before and always think about my options to scadaddle? 

There you have it. Before you hand the bouncer your ID (fake or not...), remember to clean off your drunk goggles extra freaking good tonight (spit on it a little, or something), buy handcuffs (only a suggestion) so you don't loose your 'buddy', and get your dancing pants on. Or a cute sparkly skirt is preferable, too. 

Bring in the new year creepy guy/cling free.

Have a good one, you all rock to the stars and back.

See you next year. Ha ha.

Whiney Little Freshmeat

I apologize to my readers who don't get a good laugh out of my single girl adventures. I have self respect, but sometimes ladies is pimps too. And by that I mean everyone has to have some fun.

While staying in the loop with the whole "mating" disasters, today is really no different.

Make sure to link up with some gal pals and I on thursday to tell us about your terribly horrid online dating disaster!

Meet guy. We shall call him Freshmeat Freddy. 

Background story on FF: Met him at school. Fell in love with him because he was one hundred and sixty two percent my type. What could be freakin better? I should have stopped myself from ruining my dreams right there. Granted he was a little smaller (height/weight wise...jeez get your mind out of the gutter) than I wanted but you can't get all your qualifications met. We talked, he was awkward. OH BOY EVEN MORE MY TYPE. We exchanged numbers, went to a club meeting together (woah romantic right?), texted here and there to meet up but never happened. 

Finally one night, Freshmeat Freddy and I were free at the same time. We hung out, obvi. I learned more about who he was. And what was that, you may ask? Gosh darn annoying and immature, hence freshmeat. Aka he's younger than me. I left not really wanting to ever talk to him again besides if I want something from him. Ya know... My apologies. 

It's my blog so I guess it would make sense for you to leave if you are unhappy with my life choice or want to send me hatemail. Otherwise, proceed. 

He texted me the night after our hangout (which ended terribly. He was throwing a tantrum like a child #lame) asking if I wanted to hang out again. I just played too cool to care and said that I was with friends. Blew him off, buh bye!

A few weeks have gone by and I decided I wanted to see what he was up to. Here is exactly how it went (after I said hey first):

Alright so no. I will not give you a pitty party, or rub your head or stay by your bedside and bring you soup and be your mommy and make you feel better. Like, why cant you just not freaking answer me. I probably would have appreciated that MUCH more.

Things I'd rather be doing than care about your headache:

1. Scrub off dead skin from my body

2. Blog about it (oh wait...thanks dude!)

3. Drink and proceed to tell you off about how immature you are

4. Driving into a random state filled with farm land, amish people, and trailer parks with no cell phone reception.

5. Tumblr my pathetic teenage life away

6. Take up a new sport. Maybe like crew or something? Ya know got all dat upper body strength going for me.

7. Learn the lyrics to every TuPac song. I mean that would be pretty cool...

8. Sit on tinder and find boys that would rather tell me that they think I'm pretty (oh gosh wow thanks rando) who WOULDN'T text me to complain about their headache because lets be real almost every guy on tinder is on there for the same reasons. Shout out to the dude's who actually are normal.

9.Work on my two presentations that are due next week. Which says a lot....

10. Read conversations from my ex which makes me miss him hide in a pop out cake and end up at the wrong party.

Bottom line: You are a potential hook up. Not boyfriend. Therefore, I could care less about your whiney little brain with a headache on the side.

And I'm sure we all know how my relationship with Freshmeat Freddy stands.

Granted, he's a nice guy but #OnToTheNextOne

Make sure to link up!

Alright future boyfriend, you can come save me now.

That infinity stuff you love birds talk about

How do you know when it's forever with Mr. boyfriend? No seriously, just wondering.

Is it when you can stay in bed all day, cuddle, and watch massive amounts of netflix until beyond the point of your eyes hurting? (Who says you can't do that alone? Asking for my good friend, of course.)

Or how about when you can open up to someone that you are a blogger. And they admire you and think you are so cool and they respect the fact that you open up to complete strangers (but secretly think what is my woman doing, talking to random women gossiping about their guy and lady problems via the world wide web?).

What about when they put you (sometimes) before themselves. Sure babe, I want to watch your favorite movie...or  Of course sweetie, I want to go out and pick up your favorite food when your feeling down. *I mean I'm down to have a boyfriend to bring me endless burritos. So random dude that finds my blog..if you even exist. Remember that. Just make sure you are not a creep and I can do a background check on you. Thankies.*

How about the beau that gets you your fun feminine products? Um yes you better. No question to that one. Be a man about it. We deal with days of pain (and months when preggo) the least you could do is buy us our weird lady diapers and products. Chocolate? It's a plus. Learn it and love it.

To the guy that kills spiders/insects/anything creepy and crawly, you are a forever dude. Love at first kill. That's a thing, right? Just make sure you are easily reachable at all times.

The dude that gives you a knife to protect yourself when he's not around. Ok no, you are just dumb and over protective and creepy and why are you giving me a knife? JUST NO. (read: this has never happened to me. thank gosh. long story.)

Lastly, a man that can beat your candy crush levels for you is a man who can get through anything. Alrighttttt highly debatable. But who doesn't love nice gestures of love?

So what do you think, how do you know when he's the forever and ever, can't eat/can't sleep, I want to instagram and tweet about how much I adore you everyday dude? Let me know.

Or don't. I'll probably just continue to read your blog page on how you met the one. And be a hopeful romantic. And eat a lot of popcorn. Happy single girl friday to me!

What says Single better than songs you can sing your heart out to? Thanks J.D.
Linking up with my spirit animal, Whit!

HALLE...we're like twins!

Greetings, people that give a crap about what I have to say. And if you don't and your just skimming over my blog because it looked semi interesting and you wanted to waste time...I got ya. Sup to ya anyway.

You know how I told you I look like my best friend, and we got mistaken as twins/got free shots out of it? Well it was stellar, no doubt. But the other day after I dyed my hair (a bit darker than it is), a random old dad stopped me in Dunkin. He pushed open the door for me and I was in a bit of a frenzie rush so mind you I wasn't stoppin for nobody...except my hazelnut iced coffee (shout out to you, wonderful!). I had my back turned to him (I was walking in line) and all I heard was "Daughter...Roseanne...(Awkward Chuckle)". I turned around to face the direction of my favorite DD workers and then he was still there....looking RIGHT at me. I then realized he said I looked like the daughter from Roseanne. I googled..researched...confused...then realized I guess I sort of do with dark hair. Or at least I did with curly hair. Me and my girl Darlene...freakin' twins? Debatable!

I'm gonna go with the fact he saw my curly hair...and possible cheek bone/nose section. Or my bitch resting face. It's like a baby smirk or some weird thing. I don't know. I don't watch my resting face ever. It was probs something like this.

Then it got me thinking...who else have I been claimed to look like?

Young Meryl Streep. It's the cheek bones, I'm tellin ya. 

Kristen Dunst in Bring it on/life in general. I don't know why but I ALWAYS get this. I guess it's okay because I love Bring it On. When "Doppleganger" (however the eff you spell it) was popular, I made this exact picture my prof pic, and all my friends thought it was me (read: from a far). But it worked for me. Especially with blonde hair. 

You sock it to 'em Torr! Brrrrr it's cold in here!!!!!....

Who do you guys think I look like?! // Who are you told you look like?!

My mom's twin? Spot on.

Douche Canoe Diaries

Background: Whitney aka funniest lady to blog stalk came up with the term "Douche Canoe" in this post. Not only did I love the newly coined term, but I wanted to use it on my own. Unluckily (or luckily) enough, I was soon able to use it. Hence, leading to my first #DoucheCanoeDiaries post.

Remember how I told you I found the ex on tinder the other day?

Well this app never ceases to amaze me with all the weirdo's I find on here. 

still thinking to myself why the hell I stay on tinder but it's strictly for shits and gigs, like Mr. Ex-y pants said to me.

All these scumbuckets try to get your number in easy peasy ways like "oh hey this app makes me loose battery whats your number". And I'm like eh ok you seem normal.

let it be known I don't give my number out easily...you judgmental ladies of 'merica. 

I mean, I agree, it drains the bajeezus out of my battery and it occupies me from all the long lectures I must sit through to get a solid college education. 

Regardless..

This one guy. I stopped answering him periodically because I frankly don't need to talk to you often.

Then this happened the other day. While he was trying to convince me to come visit him and party. Halllllll to the no. 

I mean, feel free to text him hate messages and prank call him. I even forget his name...Oops. I just know he looks like a chubbier version of Mac Miller. So if your bored/into that....

I was livid. Who da eff are you to say things? I automatically tweeted about it angrily. 

YA DONT MESS WITH BLOGGERS.

Whitney replied with this:

@Sun_and_Sinatra Respond, "This number is no longer receiving texts from douche canoes. Please fuck off and don't try again later."
— Whitney Ellen (@WhitneyEllen) October 4, 2013

Ummm... so you think I'm going to answer you after that? Hahaha. Yeah. No.
Douche canoe strikes again. Like I'm sorry do you not get the hint?

Writing "Hey" with three E's is not going to help your cause, bud. 

Update: As of yesterday, he keeps texting me. I no answer. Mwahaha.

Someone please tell me to get off Tinder. 

I am just a creep magnet. 

Why you should befriend a blogger

O-M-G. I know I'm a sucker for stupid Bravo TV but did any of you catch last nights Princesses: Long Island? It's so dumb but I had my dad hooked. He thought it was stupid and hilarious and couldn't turn away. So heres a gif that was literally too funny, yet not from last nights episode.

For starters, if you are the boyfriend/siblings/parents&family/besties, prepare for your face to be searchable somehow on google images. Always make sure you look your best because you never know when your blog friend will use it. And you might never know if your friend doesn't tell you she runs a blog. So basically just look real good together all the time. Or not. Eh, you choose. 

For shits and gigs.

(Hello Dark haired men!)

They also expose (some) of your life. Like your name. and your relation to said blogger. and fun facts about your dog (if applicable), or why you are a great boyfriend. We know our limits but isn't it fun to share about bits of our lives? And have people that care? Yeaaaaa. I think so.

They can promote your products or business! Likeeeeeee I am for my real life friend Jenna at Ripped Jeans and Vinyl! She is seriously the definition of hipster. And I want to be her because she has the best fashion taste. Jenna is new to blogging but go stop by and say hello! 

**She also has stellar music taste**

heeeellooo sockbun twinnies

They can get free things for you from give-aways...or even just find out about great products online from ALL the resources that are available to them at their fingertips. No exaggeration. Still have yet to win a give away...but I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Real deep, right?

They know their ish (most of the time) about graphic design/html. I promise it will help you in one way or another. Don't forget it! You're forgetting. Don't.

They have friends across the country/globe. Do you?

Shout out to Lauren in Virginia (who I'm meeting TOMORROW(!!!)), Carrie in Lousiana, and Lauren in Texas.

SO:

..if you are a real life friend and don't tell me you read my blog HI you rock yet I'm not too sure how I feel about this. Since ya know I dont promote my baby of a blog to ya.

..if you just don't have a blog but read my crazy life blog anyway...MAKE ONE. It will distract you from Candy Crush I swear. 

..if you are a bloggie friend, say hello! I don't bite. Unless I haven't had my Iced Coffee fix for the day yet. Then it's debatable. ;) 

**

Off to DC with Lauren and Boyfriends tomorrow! So excited #Blogdate

+Have any great DC must-see's? Email me!

Country Road take me home.

 Good morning! Stop your yawning and grab some coffee with this morning read.

I'll wait....

Yep. Still waiting. 

Pick me up a hazelnut ice coffee while you're at it?!

Good? Alright. Let's do this.

So I know that South Carolina (especially Myrtle Beach) is NOT considered country. But if you are a 'Joisey' (read: we don't actually pronounce it like that) girl, then you know it's a bit lot of a culture shock when you see stores with camo and confederate errrrythang. 

I spent the past (almost) week in Myrtle Beach and wanted to share my trip with you. 

*NOTE*: I ate the bestttttt crepes in the south. And unfortunately, they were TOO good to want to wait a minute, pick up my phone, choose an artsy filter that makes it look more delish (whaaaa?!), andddd then finally eat it. Yeah, sorry. I ate them twice this past week and I only regretted my decision after the fact. Nothing I could do about it then. 

Besides the beautiful southern sunsets (seen above), I got to see some awesome impersonators at Legends (A must see if going to Myrtle Beach). I watched drooled over Elvis, and got nightmares from the MJ impersonator. I thought to myself, what in the WORLD do you have to look like in real life to be a MJ impersonator?! Think about it. 

Another great thing about the south is that things are so cheap! I went to a rando discount/bargain place and bought the cutest swim top for 10.00. I don't think I've found something ever so cheep even in Target!

I also discovered the comparason between the largest hand in the world. And mine. (My baby brother, who is taller than me, also has much bigger hands than me!) Ugh. Short people problems. Can you tell lately I enjoy stealing my brother's snapback because I think I look ghetto fab. Cool right? Baaasic.

A great quote learned from this trip:

"Fish and family are the same after three days: they both stink" -Some random guy a shuttle bus.

I'm with the dude on that one. As awesome as my trip was, I'm ready for my own bed. Orrrrrr more like I'm ready to get my butt to DC in TWO days!

How funny is this?! I loveee the movie Big so this made me giggle!

Enjoy your day! And the coffee I know you grabbed ;)

To simply brighten your day:

Thursday's can suck. You are ONE day from the weekend, and it just so happens to sometimes be the longest day ever. Find yourself giggling while reading my post. Hopefully with some morning/afternoon coffee, or even a big bite of your favorite guilty pleasure food. Yes, you deserve it!

"If you like cute dog & baby stuff, you'll love this" so accurate and true.

Yes. 

Dawwww, thanks Ry!

What I should have realized as a youngin'

What I Should Have Known in High School: A collective piece. 

He'll be into you eventually. Calm down, lady!

Just because your on a college campus (read: UMichigan) as a high school sophomore does not make you seem any cooler. But hey, you do you.

You make the same face in every picture. Smile already!

You also shouldn't EVER want to dye your hair...because you'll never get that beautiful color back.

It'll turn to this.....and youl'll be dumb enough to think it looks pretty for about a year.

But you will go to Israel senior year. And love every second of it. I bet you still wish you were there right? Eh, just a good guess.

You will go to camp find the greatest people you will ever meet aka your best friends from all over the country.

You will compete in Miss New Jersey Teen twice while your in high school....aaaaaand you will be meeting your idols mom. How freakin' awesome.

You'll actually care more about these pictures once you graduate...you'll know why ;)

Well now that you've seen awkward and embarrassing selfies and my many different haircolors...have a fab day! :-)

Ohhh torrance, can't stand your cheerleading squad...

If you've read my about me/ seen pictures of B (which is everywhere), you'll understand that I am a complete sucker for dark haired/'hairy' gents. See some of my faves and why I love them so so much.

Cliff Pantone. Where it began. When he wasn't being all googly over blonde Dunst we could find him rocking out in his room or making fun of his new-to-be cheerleader of a sister. (Bring It On) This is where my love really started. They're a favorite movie couple of mine.

Chris Messina. MINDY PROJECT. Not only is he the cutest (male) on the show, but I always think in pictures B and him look similar. So he's clearly rated a 10/10 in my books. Also, he is in the Mindy Project. Re-reading it right now!

Garrett Reynolds. I know him best as Paolo Valasari. And for being a bigger meanie than Ethan Kraft was. He has a terrible voice, wears ugly blue stunna' shades, and tells every girls the same damn lie. Bye boy!!!!! You shine like the light from the sun. #Baloney.

                        

Chris from the Bachelorette. One of Des on the bachelorettes final 3. I'm just in love with him. Although his family would have intimidated the pants off of me, they seem to care about him and everything he can do support/provide for her. #TeamChris. I also realized she is currently OBSESSED with Brooks and he's unsure as to how he feels. You are wasting time and space. Not sorry. Also, he plays baseball ;)

 Freddie Prinze JR. We all know him from many many many things. I just discovered the movie Summer Catch. If you loveeeee baseball/sappy girlie movies this ish is for you gurl - go headddd. I love the chemistry he has between him and Jessica during this old movie that currently isn't getting shoved into the "IDC ANYMORE" area. Caution. Hottie Alert.

Buttttttt are you even surprised? I feel like this week has been all about B on the blog, but I'm not gonna complain. He fits the perfect description that makes me like someone. He's even the sweetest boy you'll ever meet! Or not meet but hear all about him from me!

What's your guy type?!

Boyfriend-shmoyfriend

Why having a boyfriend rocks. 

As told to you by me.

They are required to clean off your cars from the snow. In the cold. With no gloves.

They pretend or learn to appreciate the things you give many craps about. 

 You can laugh about ugly pictures of you two together from when you were younger/before dating (if applicable) 

You can dress them how you want. LIKE A REAL LIFE KEN DOLL.
(p.s he hated those shorts...and refuses to buy them)

You now have a reason to give someone pointless DIY crafts. and they accept them.

Boom. You now have someone by your side to dance with at frat parties. Or parties in general. 

(This was 2010. We weren't even dating. This is awkward)

You can take dumb pictures with them, and people still think you guys are the cutest. 

Well, atleast thats what they comment........

You can see how much you've both changed. Or not changed. True story, I locked him in a bathroom sophomore year. Left picture 2010 - Right picture 2013

You can dance like absolute loons together. and it's still damn cute.

They look cute when playing with puppies. and babies. You just can't help but sort of get all googly-eyed and go "awwwwwwwww".

The best part? They still choose to go near you after you throw up on them. Aka that happened to me in 2010. On a bus. Sitting next to B. 

And for all the single ladies...you go girl. Keep doin' you.