Can't Eat, Can't Sleep, You rock my world type stuff

Hoping on the dear future boyfriend train because it's still 'boyfriend season' and I'm still 'single as a pringle'.  As far as I've learned, I know that boyfriend seasons doesn't end until spring thaw. So basically....crap, I have not too much way too much time to try to find the one that makes my heart sing and get all those butterfly feelings that the Olsen twins spoke of at the mere age of fetus and a half.

Dear future boyfriend,

Congratulations and welcome to Girlfriend University! We have lot's of great features that make us stand out from the others. Well hey there. I'm pretty sure at this point you get my odd sense of humor and think it's great that I find my jokes (that aren't funny to anyone else) pretty g-d damn hilarious. I will probably also acknowledge this or other not-funny-funny-things later on down the road. Like one night when were in the car on the way to dinner or to do domestic things (because I think that weird shit is fun), I will probably think of this and randomly start giggling for all of eternity.

I hope you are fine with being old people 7/10 times. Although I look probably half your age (don't worry, I'm not), I'm fine with staying in and getting drunk. That's what all the cool hip people do these days though, right? I mean obviously I'm down to merp anytime, anywhere, but chances are I'm more about cuddling and flipping through netflix and until we decide to really not watch anything or else just go back to the news channel.

Alright sorry sorry, I am not THAT boring. Thanks to growing up with a little brother, I like video games, sometimes. But I guess at this point in life, we all like competition so it's up to you if you want to let me win sometimes or not. But it's okay after the two month mark, I give you all permission to try to kick my butt in Mario Kart.

Speaking of things guys like that (some weird) girls don't...I like sports. Let me clarify: I love going to baseball games because warmer weather [and cuter pictures, duh!], basketball games are super fun because I understand it and as far as hockey or football? I mean, if you like it I'm all for it. I just might bother you a few times too many because I don't get what a first and ten truly means. I'm down for cheap beer though, thanks.

Also you wouldn't have made it to boyfriend material if you didn't support all my crazy decisions. Whether encouraging my singing of taylor swift/rap songs, because they just make you down right smile to what to blog about for the upcoming weeks. You have to believe in me, like I believe in you! I don't expect some Dear John, The Notebook, or Nights in Rodanthe (points if you know what these movies are about/seen them), type lifestyle aka why they belong in movies, but as long as you enjoy adventurous things sometimes, then buckle up and lets get moving.

See, I'm fun!!!!!

I'm awkward sometimes (but you know that by now). I enjoy chocolate covered gummy bears, Frank Sinatra (le hardcore duh if you end up reading this), zinfandel, spooning, retail therapy (lots of it), taking cute pictures together, sprinkles, anything that will make me happy, and of course, you. I enjoy you a lot. Heck, I enjoy you so much I probably want to spend too much time with you, so sorry about that one. I only hope you feel the same.

I hope you dress nicely. Because that is probably what attracted me to you in the first place...besides facial hair and how easy it is for you to make me smile. If you don't dress nicely, houston we have some problems and that it something I would love to help out with.

Chances are it will take some begging and a half to get me to watch horror/action movies with you. I'm all about those rom-coms and just flat out romantic things that puke I WANT MY LIFE TO BE A FAIRYTALE, too.

Finally, you better be down for having room for activities. Nah, not talking about needing space in your place to build a fort (WHICH I WOULD FREAKING LOVE), but I mean to do things. On the days I am feeling anti-netflix (not as rare as you think...) I love days of doing simple yet grand things such as art museum, going to the city, even spending an afternoon in a random place (i.e bookstore). I like artsy things, I hope you get that. Also in your contract, I think I stated you must be able to take pictures of me for my corner of the internet? Brunching is always a great idea, just saying.

At the end of the day, as long as you enjoy being with me like Drake does (sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on), then I think we have a deal.

I'll be seeing you. (Vomcity cliché movie reference)

Hugs and kisses and all that mushy shit,
Ya baby girl
Rachel


P.S I'm Boston bound today!

Douche Canoe Diaries

Background: Whitney aka funniest lady to blog stalk came up with the term "Douche Canoe" in this post. Not only did I love the newly coined term, but I wanted to use it on my own. Unluckily (or luckily) enough, I was soon able to use it. Hence, leading to my first #DoucheCanoeDiaries post.

Remember how I told you I found the ex on tinder the other day?

Well this app never ceases to amaze me with all the weirdo's I find on here. 

still thinking to myself why the hell I stay on tinder but it's strictly for shits and gigs, like Mr. Ex-y pants said to me.

All these scumbuckets try to get your number in easy peasy ways like "oh hey this app makes me loose battery whats your number". And I'm like eh ok you seem normal.

let it be known I don't give my number out easily...you judgmental ladies of 'merica. 

I mean, I agree, it drains the bajeezus out of my battery and it occupies me from all the long lectures I must sit through to get a solid college education. 

Regardless..

This one guy. I stopped answering him periodically because I frankly don't need to talk to you often.

Then this happened the other day. While he was trying to convince me to come visit him and party. Halllllll to the no. 

I mean, feel free to text him hate messages and prank call him. I even forget his name...Oops. I just know he looks like a chubbier version of Mac Miller. So if your bored/into that....

I was livid. Who da eff are you to say things? I automatically tweeted about it angrily. 

YA DONT MESS WITH BLOGGERS.

Whitney replied with this:

@Sun_and_Sinatra Respond, "This number is no longer receiving texts from douche canoes. Please fuck off and don't try again later."
— Whitney Ellen (@WhitneyEllen) October 4, 2013

Ummm... so you think I'm going to answer you after that? Hahaha. Yeah. No.
Douche canoe strikes again. Like I'm sorry do you not get the hint?

Writing "Hey" with three E's is not going to help your cause, bud. 

Update: As of yesterday, he keeps texting me. I no answer. Mwahaha.

Someone please tell me to get off Tinder. 

I am just a creep magnet.