Single and loving it

Last August, I was #drunkInLove and wrote a post about why being having a boyfriend is the greatest thing ever. Single sunshiney Rach here, to counteract that statement.

Why having a boyfriend rocks being single is the better option. As told to you by me.

They are required to clean off your cars from the snow. In the cold. With no gloves. Like shit, am I not independent? It's pretty much known that an independent woman is sexier than one that relies on her boyfriend for all her problem solving skills (at least he was good for math help). Being independent is great, you also don't have to share food

They pretend or learn to appreciate the things you give many craps about. I mean isn't that what blog friends and instagram followers are for?

You can laugh about ugly pictures of you two together from when you were younger/before dating (if applicable) I got nothing for this one. Take shot. And snapchat about it.

You can dress them how you want. LIKE A REAL LIFE KEN DOLL. It's safe to say we like guys who aren't so much mama's boys. They can do their own laundry, cook for themselves, and know to say no to zip off cargo pants. Sure when I have a boyfriend I don't mind spending money on him, but now? It's all about more retail therapy for moi *evil laugh here*.

You now have a reason to give someone pointless DIY crafts. and they accept them. Again, entering blog world has been a tremendous thing in my life because you appreciate the art shenans I get myself into. I wonder where his 9(?) month picture frame I made him featuring a "HAPPY 9 MONTHS I LOVE YOU" is. Trash? Probably. His room? Dear lord, I'd be needing a new pair of pants for that one. Brb, laughing uncontrollably. 

Boom. You now have someone by your side to dance with at frat parties. Or parties in general. THIS IS WHAT A BEST FRIEND IS FOR. You also don't have to worry about jersey turnpiking. Stick to the merp-system.

You can take dumb pictures with them, and people still think you guys are the cutest. Well, atleast thats what they comment........ Being a human in 2014, I can reassure you you can do this with Pluto or Ryan Gosling and it would be considered cute. Boom.

You can see how much you've both changed. Or not changed. Does becoming more cynical count?

You can dance like absolute loons together. and it's still damn cute. Silly relation shipped Rachel, you can do that with a shot of tequila.

They look cute when playing with puppies. and babies. You just can't help but sort of get all googly-eyed and go "awwwwwwwww". Puppies > boyfriends. Seriously, they will love you unconditionally and not break up with you and jump up and down and do wrestling matches with them. 

The best part? They still choose to go near you after you throw up on them. Aka that happened to me in 2010. On a bus. Sitting next to B. Well we broke up, so clearly the vom thing was too close to comfort. CYA!

To my dearest Rachel when she's in a relationship, don't forget about your day 1 homies (i.e. Pizza Lunchables, Chocolate ice cream, and your iPhone portable charger). They really can't ever leave your side (which is a-okay by them), so don't neglect them! Guys will break your heart, tell you you're crazy (...but I'm not Taylor Swift..?), and enjoy your drunk snapchats, but at the end of the day will they be there when your looking for someone to love? LOL no.  Xox, Single (and sort of lovin' it) Rachel.

A humorous post not to offend anyone in a relationship (more power to ya)!

You Deserve a Sexy Summer! | Sponsored

After the ridiculously yuck weather on the East Coast this winter, we all deserve to take full advantage of the heat this summer. And yes, that includes sizzling hot sex (yo to the lo). It’s basically science that summertime is the best time for lovin’. Everyone is more relaxed, we all wear less clothing, and we have more free time. Maybe you landed an internship with minus the freedom of skipping off to the beach to scope out the hot surfer dudes. First of all, way to be responsible. Internships are great resume and reference builders. And hey, maybe there’s a hottie who’s also interning. Not suggesting you do anything unethical, but perhaps he has some friends he can introduce you to. Just sayin’ *winky face*.

If you’re in a committed relationship, the warm weather can work for you too. In an article for Chatelaine, relationships therapist Joan Marsman reminds us that “Romance is a lifestyle.” The article, Four Ways to Inspire Summer Romance with Your Partner, offers tips that apply all year-round. She encourages breaking your routine, and summer is prime time to do so! The obvious would be to take a trip together, but if that’s outside your budget, keep it simple. Take advantage of the longer days by just spending more quality time together. Less class means less homework. The slower pace will put you both at ease, which is sure to lead to more romance. And who doesn't enjoy that?

If you’re single be open to the possibilities. The warm summer nights are electrifying and anything goes. Plus people are ready to awaken from their hibernating state and get loose. If you don’t know where to meet someone, literally go anywhere outside—it’s impossible to not meet a guy...or like ten. The beach, backyard barbecues, outdoor concerts, even dive bar patios (#trendy)—all are great places to turn up the heat. Her Campus points out that a single summer doesn’t mean a man-free summer. Au contraire, according to The 5 Best Things about Being Single This Summer, if you’re not tied down to one you can have a good time with many! Just be safe and it’s sure to be a hot one!

Whether you’re taken or single, make this summer one you’ll never forget. If you’re looking to spend your break relaxing with your partner, get things started with a massage gel that doubles as a lubricant. Try new things, inside and outside of the bedroom. One woman who takes that expression to heart is Dr. Kat, resident sexologist at Adam and Eve. Dr. Kat encourages outdoor sex and in this video she shares tips for where and how to do it right. She suggests keeping a blanket on hand in case the opportunity for an impromptu love sesh arises. This brings all new meaning to fun in the sun and is sure to make lasting memories for you and your guy. Hello scandalous!!!!

Even if you have a full-time internship or are taking a few classes over summer session, don’t forget that this could be your last real summer. Do you want to look back twenty years from now and regret? Maybe your summer plans don't involve a dude, but whatever your goals, get out there and get happy! Whether it’s a summer of romance, hook-ups, or reading by the pool, enjoy it.

Single or taken, make it yours mama's!

TAYLOR SWIFT I LOVE YOUR WORK

Valentines day is tomorrow. Oh shit. If you waited until the last minute to get a valentines day present, I suggest you go with: YOUR LOVE. Heck isn't that enough? Ya know, good thing I'm broke because I'm pretty sure my boyfriend would either be getting coal or the coal(d shoulder).

Yea, psh didn't think that was funny either.
Last years valentines day, I was partnered up okay obsessing/dating this dude. I got a very nice dinner, gifts, and a full on weekend of wearing the crown of being the little spoon. This year? I'm going to say I think I'll be in bed jamming to depressing 8tracks, devouring chocolates [I buy for myself because IM WORTH IT].

Then after hours of binge netflixing (too typical) and occasionally pinning my wedding like so....

I think I'll finish my bottle of wine and turn on the ultimate girly spirit animal....

Then I'll go on tinder....

And think.....

I eat some more shitty foods, because thats what single girls love to do:

Then go to bed because I'm like fuck this, tomorrow ISNT valentines day!!!!

Speaking of opposite day, this pretty lady aint celebrating single awareness day tomorrow, YOU GO GLENN COCO. Meet Allison from "Because I said so":

Chivalry is alive and well

Was going to title this post and just flat out say "A successful first date", but the last time THAT happened on the blog, he got a nickname, and me head over heels. Cue Boys like Girls, because that song was my shit.

We all know I go on a lot of dates and I love blogging about them, so here's another.

Preface: He graduated from my high school a few years before me. He actually graduated from the college my ex goes to, so we had a TON to talk about.

I kept unintentionally blowing him off for a week+ so I figured it was about damn time to go on a date that was actually CLOSE to my house. He offered to pick me up. After experiencing previous dates (aka creepster-mcgee), I figured I'd drive myself. Sushi again? Yes, puhlease.

I get there. He walks in. We hug.
He goes: "Hey I got you a little gift".
I'm all like oh shit, what do I do? 
When we first started talking he told me he got a bunch of keychains for free while studying abroad in Paris a few years ago. He decided to bring me one. It was the eiffel tower, and I must say, I was impressed. I realized I should stop being such a judgmental sour pants and accept the gift and love it up. I added it to my new keychain collection on my wallet. It's like he knew I loved/want to visit Paris, and I just got a new wallet. Double whammy. Four for you, Duder.

I figured I'd only end up there for a good hour - hour and a half. I ended up being there for three hours. It felt comfortable, our conversing, and it was really a lot of fun.

Damn me and my dating/blogging experiences that lead me to believe that I have very low expectations for dates.

I really wish I had something more exciting to share, but he "nailed" it on the first date.
Best part? He walked me to my car AND didn't even try to kiss me.
Chivalry is alive and well.

So to sum it up: I left with the eiffel tower, left over sushi, and a smile.

A single girls gift guide to Valentines day

If you are anything like me (i.e single, snookin' for love), then you probably have found yourself admiring over the cute beer basket your best friend pinned for her sweet lovin beau. You decide to pin it to your 'For Him' board, because it's for him. One day. You then realize how silly that was of you because you will be spending valentines day alone with some boxed wine and the Last Song, because that shit is a tear jerker.

Also what type of blogger would I be if I never tried out a whole "gift guide" post....(I could have lived without it, I'm sure...)

Instead of looking for gifts for your non existent boyfriend, I'd find gifts for your other half (read: best freaking friend...who is also not investing her time only in a thing with something that dangles ever so slightly between their legs....if you see what I'm sadly getting at here...)

I know its like, 3 and a half weeks away BUT ITS CREEPING UP ON US. Go gift buying. If not for a friend, go for YOU. Because you damn right deserve it. For putting up with seeing all of your taken friends post endless 'I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER' picstitches.

If Mindy Kaling (the ultimate single swagger) can have a wine bra, I think so can I. Nothing says "Don't interrupt me, Miley is falling in love with the ultimate hunk in this scene" better than this. Did I mention you can probably hold a few cups o' wine in those bad boys. That means you probably won't have to get up....for a good 10 minutes. Don't forget the popcorn and chocolate. Make sure to not drop on your snuggie. THAT would be embarrassing.....(who do I have to impress.....?)

Subscription to Cosmo. The beauty of living vicariously through other women while they are out sipping fun drinks with hot guys and soaking in each others awesomeness. And you? Just learning some future tips and ish.

Starbucks cups. When you don't want to make a trip out to get the perfect instagram (or to sneak other goodies while in public) I suggest you somehow stock up on the perfect ceramic starbucks mug. No thang says #singleonVday more than this.

The selfie clicker photo taker ma-bob. You see, we don't have a certain someone to be forced into taking our pictures for us so we choose to use a secret device that makes it look like we have a great group of friends always willing to take pictures for us.

c/o my Photo Booth

Netflix. So you can live vicariously/become emotionally attached to fictional characters. I suggest One Tree Hill. That aught to keep you preoccupied BEYOND Valentines day weekend. Start now.

A cute pup. I mean, you don't have to go all out and spend a months worth of rent and take out on a brand spankin new born teacup yorkee (if I could, trust me I would). You can resort to the electronic ones that can still walk and are soft yet you do not have to worry about waking up at 6AM in the snow for a morning bathroom break, or rushing home from a fwb to make sure you fed little ole fido. Do we even name dogs that anymore...... Also. I would like to make sure you are aware, that I do have this dog. His name was Bralex (After my ex and my roomies boyfriend). I think he needs a new name. I'm thinking LB. Short for Luke Bryan.

fetus me with blonde hair

So I think I spelled it out for you. The answer to being a single lady on vday is quiiiiite simple (and much better than some fancy shmancy meal that you don't have to pay for). The answer is: Netflix, food, wine, and cute pups. 

I got chu.

Backing it up with Whit, since I don't think I've done it since 'Nam.

Hey Stephen I've got 50 reasons why I should be the one you choose

You probably have heard of my pseudonym, Taylor Swift. Some refer to me as Tswizzy, Tay tay, or down right crazy bitch. At least that's what I hear my ex's call me. Heyyo. *snaps back into reality* Phew, I almost got so mesmerized by staring at all the posts of my exs on my celling as I sing You belong With Me into my broken hairbrush filled with a good knot or two.

So, I'm kidding about I'm really Tswift act. If I was taylor, the last thing I would be doing is blogging because quite frankly, i'd stick to instagram. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY LIKES SHE GETS?

Here I sit, another wednesday passes me by and I have about 0 and a half to blog about that might actually be relatable to you, thus another post of stupidity via Sunshiney Rach. I think this is a really lame attempt at what we americans call bribing or convincing? I don't think that should happen in dating but fingers crossed le certain someone isn't bored at work one day and stumbles across this pleading shenans. If thats even the right term. Without further adieu...50...or like x amount of reasons why I should be the one you choose.

I want you to be my valentine. As simple as that. What girl doesn't love to indulge in endless Roses and box o' chocolates? Yeah, EVERY GIRL. THATS WHO. I like all the cute picstiches of girls saying "they have THE BEST BOYFRIENDS EVER!!". Which statement makes no sense by the way. Don't get me started on this debate.

For starters I am having the best Kings of Leon and Vampire Weekend jam sesh today. So be proud. Oh, you say you don't like them you say? Well aren't I just the worlds worst date-ee. I should be fired. Or nexted. Does anyone remember that MTV show? Just me? Well if you 'next' me, I'm pretty sure you owe me billions.

I'm cultured in the sense that I like art museums, binge netflixing, and drinking a strawberry daiquiri. 

I am willing to take the money I normally spend on myself to buy things because I need a hardcore dose or five of retail therapy and instead spend it on YOU. Oh boy. I mean doesn't that just make you want to drop everything meet me in the pouring rain and paint me like one of those french models? and just pop the fun question right here and now? It's ok, I know how much you are dyyyyying for a nice new button down c/o J.Crew....

I also make a mean concoction. Like tell me how last night I couldn't find wine (thanks snowstorm, ya blow), so I decided to make do with what I had. Grape Juice and Vodka. I'm crafty. 

I like selfies. with you. Let's get that selfie game going.

I'm Jewish so that means I'm *almost* a perfect mother in the works. I'm sorry if I panic when you say you have a cold because although I can be independent other than anything besides good cooking, I'll be right over in five with some soup. and advil. and every other cough remedy in the world. I'll double text you (or triple) if I'm worrying about your location being safe or not (or wait...am I just clingy? Nahhh..). I may annoy you sometimes with my paranoid personality (already have, I know), but just think you would rather have someone who cares versus someone who only cares about getting drunk every 5 seconds. Right? If not....NEXTTTTTTT!! #Neurotic 

Take me I'll take YOU to baseball and basketball games. 

Do we have ourselves a deal?

You thought I was cray before this post? Psh, I'd run now. Kidding ;-)

Can't Eat, Can't Sleep, You rock my world type stuff

Hoping on the dear future boyfriend train because it's still 'boyfriend season' and I'm still 'single as a pringle'.  As far as I've learned, I know that boyfriend seasons doesn't end until spring thaw. So basically....crap, I have not too much way too much time to try to find the one that makes my heart sing and get all those butterfly feelings that the Olsen twins spoke of at the mere age of fetus and a half.

Dear future boyfriend,

Congratulations and welcome to Girlfriend University! We have lot's of great features that make us stand out from the others. Well hey there. I'm pretty sure at this point you get my odd sense of humor and think it's great that I find my jokes (that aren't funny to anyone else) pretty g-d damn hilarious. I will probably also acknowledge this or other not-funny-funny-things later on down the road. Like one night when were in the car on the way to dinner or to do domestic things (because I think that weird shit is fun), I will probably think of this and randomly start giggling for all of eternity.

I hope you are fine with being old people 7/10 times. Although I look probably half your age (don't worry, I'm not), I'm fine with staying in and getting drunk. That's what all the cool hip people do these days though, right? I mean obviously I'm down to merp anytime, anywhere, but chances are I'm more about cuddling and flipping through netflix and until we decide to really not watch anything or else just go back to the news channel.

Alright sorry sorry, I am not THAT boring. Thanks to growing up with a little brother, I like video games, sometimes. But I guess at this point in life, we all like competition so it's up to you if you want to let me win sometimes or not. But it's okay after the two month mark, I give you all permission to try to kick my butt in Mario Kart.

Speaking of things guys like that (some weird) girls don't...I like sports. Let me clarify: I love going to baseball games because warmer weather [and cuter pictures, duh!], basketball games are super fun because I understand it and as far as hockey or football? I mean, if you like it I'm all for it. I just might bother you a few times too many because I don't get what a first and ten truly means. I'm down for cheap beer though, thanks.

Also you wouldn't have made it to boyfriend material if you didn't support all my crazy decisions. Whether encouraging my singing of taylor swift/rap songs, because they just make you down right smile to what to blog about for the upcoming weeks. You have to believe in me, like I believe in you! I don't expect some Dear John, The Notebook, or Nights in Rodanthe (points if you know what these movies are about/seen them), type lifestyle aka why they belong in movies, but as long as you enjoy adventurous things sometimes, then buckle up and lets get moving.

See, I'm fun!!!!!

I'm awkward sometimes (but you know that by now). I enjoy chocolate covered gummy bears, Frank Sinatra (le hardcore duh if you end up reading this), zinfandel, spooning, retail therapy (lots of it), taking cute pictures together, sprinkles, anything that will make me happy, and of course, you. I enjoy you a lot. Heck, I enjoy you so much I probably want to spend too much time with you, so sorry about that one. I only hope you feel the same.

I hope you dress nicely. Because that is probably what attracted me to you in the first place...besides facial hair and how easy it is for you to make me smile. If you don't dress nicely, houston we have some problems and that it something I would love to help out with.

Chances are it will take some begging and a half to get me to watch horror/action movies with you. I'm all about those rom-coms and just flat out romantic things that puke I WANT MY LIFE TO BE A FAIRYTALE, too.

Finally, you better be down for having room for activities. Nah, not talking about needing space in your place to build a fort (WHICH I WOULD FREAKING LOVE), but I mean to do things. On the days I am feeling anti-netflix (not as rare as you think...) I love days of doing simple yet grand things such as art museum, going to the city, even spending an afternoon in a random place (i.e bookstore). I like artsy things, I hope you get that. Also in your contract, I think I stated you must be able to take pictures of me for my corner of the internet? Brunching is always a great idea, just saying.

At the end of the day, as long as you enjoy being with me like Drake does (sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on), then I think we have a deal.

I'll be seeing you. (Vomcity cliché movie reference)

Hugs and kisses and all that mushy shit,
Ya baby girl
Rachel


P.S I'm Boston bound today!

My superman saves the night

As I brought in 2014, I thought to myself one thing: New year, new me boy. Starting fresh. I was too excited to be brining in the new year with my lady Jenny (real life friend/blog friend) and other fabulous people. As I counted down the minutes, awaiting a certain someones text (you know who you are)..I realized that I was that person at a NYE party that everyone laughs about because there is always one of these people at every party. What person? The one thats like GUYS TWO MINUTES TIL THE BALL DROPS...etc... G-d bless everyone who was with me's soul.

As 2014 crept closer and closer, I got anxiety. Just a little freaking bit. I wasn't ready for the craziest year of my life to end. 2013 taught me that you should only do things for yourself (and not boys...especially when you are my age), my love for tinder is sad, and there is nothing retail therapy [and chocolate covered gummy bears] cannot solve. #Preach

How did I spend my first day of the new year? With the one and only KiddyCup Prince Charming, but of course. I plan on showing him this *I think* because he deserves it (keep reading...), so show your #teamKC love....A lazy lazy tuesday of cuddling and grinning until my cheekbones hurt turned into sushi (like, obvi #whitegirlprobz). I had plans to see a friend last night, yet Karma is a sloot and bit me in the bottom. Hi carly!

After finally deciding to leave his warm and large (read: biceps bigger than my face) arms, I got into my freezing cold car. CAN'T WAIT TO REST said my body. IM HUNGRY FOR SOME RUBBER said the damn pothole.

Instant reaction? Cry cry cry. Calm the eff down Rachel. Get your shit together and do what you got to do. Next thing I knew, KC was getting a ring ring from the crying betch. I was only 15 minutes away from him, and I was so self centered (and forgot he was having an allergic reaction....I'M STILL SORRY KIDDYCUP!!!!) and what did he do besides pull up about 20 minutes later? My freaking hero.

A cop pulled up and asked if I knew the man in my car. My boyfriend? No. Not really. A random who saw me stranded on the side of the road and I let him in my car? Yes cop...... Absofrigginlutely.....

We're either really great at ending up spending an ample amount of time in cars, or we just really love sharing small spaces. Either way, he held my hand and despite everything going on in that moment he made it feel alright. VOM CITY, I know. I know. Being the superman he is, he took the journey with me (well, he was my only available ride, too...) to the car place and home. And wawa. Because betches love wawa. Except for Kiddycup because he doesn't understand why he can't just pump his own gas ;-)

I told him I obviously created this terrible stress in my life because I'm crazy and had a plot juuuuust to spend more time with him. So I guess say your goodbyes to kiddycup because this post and last night probably will scare him away for eternity and a half. Kidding I hope he stays for a while *blushes*.

And if he's a super hero...I wonder if he can say my name like batman does ;) (Where's Rachellll...)
I mean if not, it's okay too. I think I'd like love to keep him just the way he is.

I know the nicknames can be stupid, confusing, and hilarious, but either way, he literally rocks my world. *Insert trash bucket because of my word vomit here. This is what being a sappy girl feels like.*

Happy birthday, ya filthy animal.

Here ye, here ye. It's christmas season so obviously somehow quoting Home Alone 2 feels appropriate. How fitting is it that I am posting this on the six of December. What a fine day. I love me some even numbers for I have a weird feeling towards odd numbers.

Also, this is probably a post where I should have put on my big girl undies, but I guess not. Oops.

Last year on this exact day I was looking at the clock when it struck midnight, so excited to call my best friend on his birthday. Best friend, yes. Boyfriend? Even better. Yuuppppp, it was my boyfriends birthday! I was so excited for him to answer since it was our first birthday of his spent together. (Besides that time sophomore year in high school when I went to his suprise party....) Whatevs. I called him at exactly midnight, phone in hand because I was freaking excited. I was more excited for his birthday than he was. He didn't answer. I called again. No answer. I was pissed. Was I a bad girlfriend because I was mad at him on his own birthday? Yeah, probably to that too. Turns out he went out and got an extra large pair of drunky pants on him. He finally called back and there I was, Miss pissymood pants grunting a Happy birthday to him. We hung up.

I was so excited to see him that weekend, regardless, since we were celebrating his birthday, our six months (big whoop, right?) and Hannukah (#TheTribeSticksTogether). I never had this serious of a boyfriend before, so I went H.A.M on getting him nice presents: Shirts from Vineyard Vines, a new wallet (since he used a dorky little kid one), and something else but clearly it wasn't that important because I forget. He bought me a cute little photobook of all of our pictures, since we had a lot from me being in love with him all through high-school. The weekend was spent celebrating all great things, and it was all a walk in the park around his campus. I was thinking that whole weekend how excited I was to spend his big 20's with him. And now that thought is in the crapper. Along with my heart.
HELLOOO DRAMATIC!


A year later exactly I sit here wondering...
+Will I ever get over him? Dear Gd please make this happen, I know there are bigger and better things waiting for me.
+Am I a bitch to not say happy birthday to him? Or should I say it in hopes he will fall in love with me again for the first time. (ooh, I'm harsh).
+Why did I ever spend so much money on him!!!!!!!!!!!! (He's probably wondering the same about me..)

But hey! thanks for teaching me...
...to not be so clingy
...you can date someone and not really love them. (eep nipped that one in the freaking booty...)
...nice/hairy dudes are so my thing. Bye bye, Bad boysssssss!
...to never move somewhere for someone in hopes to bring you closer together.
...to do more things for me.

Here's to your big 2-0, ya filthy animal. And by filthy animal I mean ex boyfriend who broke my heart. Hope you are having A BLAST without me!!!! Make sure to write/invite me to your wedding!

*Note: He really is a nice guy, I'm just a silly little lady with a broken heart. If he or anyone who knows him see this, I did this post out of fun (ok sort of). But this is my blog so tough if ya dont like it*

Stop trying to make fetch happen: an autobiography

Hey all you bloggers who actually post on thursdays. It's rare for me to. Sometimes I'm feeling like I have a whole lotta things to say exploding from my brain, and other times it's as quiet and still like my brain when I am sleeping (thank gosh). Today, I have no clue why I'm posting but hop on board and see where this ride takes us. If we end up in a circle, I'm sorry but no refunds.

As I sit here finally blogging after reading Fal's buzzfeed article she posted on facebook about being single, I hit Colors by Amos Lee on repeat for the umpteenth time. I found this quote the other day and I have been DYING to share it with the world and their moms and dogs since.

It's funny to because I am never into religious quotes or anything where I let gd or jesus "take the wheel". I admire people that are but you know I'm jewish so I just stick listening to my Matisyahu, dreaming about waking up and climbing up Masada at sunrise, and being able to slowly-but-surely read hebrew (that means don't ask me to...I know the amount a first grader at sunday school does...).

Dear self,
This quote means to yolo and do you.
Don't worry about trying to find the perfect guy on tinder. We know that wont happen, sweet thang.
Or the next guy you run into at the super market? Yea no Don't start planning your future. #DomesticatedLifeActivities. Stop trying to make fetch happen.
Remember that every guy friend of yours is and should be off limits. Stop trying to get yourself in a relationship because you just want to.
No No No.

Go out there, focus on school, focus on your future. Although you've been unsure of a helluva lot, you are actually pretty cool (I think) so get your bottom up and do more for you. You're a kickass doodler, you love your bloggy friends more than life itself because they keep you sane (read: ALWAYS), and when you have a passion for something you put your heart into it one hundred and sixty four percent.

Yo, also: Please stop listening to If I Didn't Have You by Thompson Square and Everything has Changed by Tswifty. You might feel a tincy bit better about yourself. Remember, Happy thoughts.

When the right time comes, and you are beyond preoccupied with your kickass lifestyle, Mr. Fabulous-Right-Perfect-McFly will come and sweep you off your sweet little booties you bought at target (cute but stylish!)

Then you no longer dance with gd. And get cho freak on with the right dude.
So for now, just make sure you don't drop that thun thun thun when you break it down with the original G himself.

Sincerely,
Me.

I'm playing hide and seek and you're it.

"Sometimes you have to shut the doors on old loves in order to be truly close to a new one" -The Carrie Diaries

Have you ever read that it takes a year to get over an ex? That is a perfect example of what NO FREAKIN BODY has time for. Especially my GEN-Y betches. People my age are so aggressive in trying to find the one. (I'd be the first to admit to it to). We love the instant gratification of tinder; swiping right, someone telling us we're pretty, then we begin to try to imagine our lives together. He dresses nice so obviously we're going to go live in the city for a few years, spend weekends waking up late and venturing a few blocks to a hipster museum or a park.

I understand that everything has gotten better as years go on. Think back to even the 60's. When a couple broke up, the girl didn't go home put wine and ice cream next to her, open up blogger to begin to write a post about said ex, and have the picture of ex-handsome to bawl her eyes out to while some emo alternative shit is playing. Then again the guy throwing rocks at a girls window began before the 90's, hence the possibility of ways to be a clingy ex.

Even Danny Zuko was a clingy ex when Sandy wanted to date the newbie. Now onto The Carrie Diaries. Carrie finds out her new dude is writing a new play based on his ex. She gets upset because he's spending hours to think about her[to write this play], so automatically being a typical crazy girlfriend curious, she asked him about it. He told her "You can't move on while your entangled with an ex." Preach, Hottie McHotstuff.

Betches need to get over their ex. Done deal.  If this is you, do you ever find yourself trying so hard to stop yourself from checking who his snapchat besties are? or to see what formal pictures he was tagged in next?  I do appreciate Mr.Ex for cutting the cord instead of him agreeing to being friends. Trust me: It hurts so much to loose someone that means so much to you and is your best friend, but holding on until you loose your grip is not healthy.

(see: Elite Daily)

I'm all for posting pictures of you getting kissed from a guy, let him miss you. Just don't stalk him, it won't do you any good. (Wow Rach, take your own advice from time to time!) The worst is getting caught stalking. In addition to worst: when you try to make a conversation with him and he is rude and short with you? I now fully understand why I'm not supposed to like you anymore. 

Everyone tells me to stop TRYING to find someone...he will find me. So thats what I'm gonna do: I'm over him. I only miss the idea of having a boyfriend (until I see couples fight over stupid stuff). Then I'm just like I'm okay!!!! I got my chocolate, wine, and other single bloggie friends to keep me goin'. 

Future boyfriend: I'm playing hide and seek. You're it.

Matches made in Hell.

For those of you who don't know me and are hopping on over today for the first time, Hi! What a glorious day for you to come join up in my little fort corner thing of the interweb.

*MAKE SURE TO LIKE MY NEW FACEBOOK PAGE! SO EXCITING I KNOW!*

I am guy crazy. I guess I seem crazy in general, but literally who isn't these days? #Trendyproblems
Like my blog besties, we spend our time in group texts, and every day breathing which includes various activities. When we are not doing this,  or sleeping, we tind it up. We spend group chats talking about how weird guys are, or when they dress up like Thor in their pictures, judging them based on their taglines, and sharing our weird personal conversations we take on.
Yup. It's exactly why we get along so well.

Even before finding a group of ladies who share the same love bored satisfaction of finding duders we would have never met otherwise, I took the meaning of swiping left/swiping right into my own hands.

If you are human, you most likely have a type of guy that you would basically drool like a baby over. I mean I do. and It's one that isn't going away anytime soon. I'm fine with that, don't you worry.

The worst part about tinder is that sometimes it gets BORING: no good guys/you're just wasting time on there because you have nothing else to do so you find yourself liking random guys you would never "suck face" (don't you hate when people use that term. I DO) with. Sometimes, I win at my own game. I also do not message first. So here we go, my matched dudes stereotyped:

NJB Noah: Yep, fully aware his name is Andrew. But so my type. NYU? Smart/trendy. AEPI? Even better. This jewish girl knows her jewish frats when she sees one. He's a potential dude, being twenty, and a Dave lover. He has some asian writing too? Wow, Andrew...Andy...Drew...how cultured of you ;)

Alright fabulous we can get married and he can hire dave to play "Crash Into Me" in the background as he gets on his knees in his blue Vineyard Vines pastel shorts and a nice sassy Ralph Lauren striped button down. We even have mutual friends?! Well damn, invite them to the wedding!

I'm not getting too far ahead of myself right?

Also: NJB? Nice Jewish Boy. Aka what I need to find myself. So if you know of any, please, send them on over. I swear I'm the perfect nice little jewish girl, too.

Blunt Billy: LIKE NO. Although yes, you are probably of middle east decent (damn you, dark skinned/dark haired freaks..), I wasn't too scared. Chances are you could have been Israel? I would have appreciated it. I'm jewish for gd sake. But you threw me a freaking fast curve ball. By you saying your not a terrorist is this some associative math property BS that makes you actually a terrorist.

What business does a terrorist have on a creepy site where you can find people near you (sort of) to prey on.......you know.....?!?

Stalker Steve: this doesn't even need explaining. He just set himself up for his own episode of Date Line. Or Maury. Or probably Dr. Phil considering he sent some pretty creepy shit. Let's break it down. Not in a dance move fashion.
Beautiful Broad? Beautiful I can take *blushes*. Broad? Um. Thats a new one thanks. Sort of creepy and threatening.

Taped my phone to my face? Well thats uncomfortable
FOR TWO DAYS? Do you not have other friends?
Sitting outside my apartment? Well damn, you're life sucks.
Reception in the parking lot? Are you sure this isn't code for you doing some drugs or something...
Playing games with your heart? I mean I haven't answered since you got really creepy so jokes on you for getting creepy.

CYA.

Hungry Harry: Well damn. I already assigned someone to butter my muffin. So Marc, get in line.

You can go shave your back now.
#MeanGirlsQuotes

Quoting She's the Man? Myyyyy dude.

Want to giggle with real life experiences tinder brought into my life?
My first real life date with a dude from tinder. To be honest, I was worried I would become another lifetime movie story. It was the greatest date ever.
Then the second date rolled around and we realized we had nothing in common and he became the lord of douchebaggary. I also showed him a bit of the blog world. WHAT WAS I THINKING.
This guy? Complete rando and I stopped it before it got worse. You belong in the kitchen, douche canoe. Sexist loser.

Share with me and my gal pals your disasters. I wonder if it could top ours.
(Rachael & Melissa)

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Whiney Little Freshmeat

I apologize to my readers who don't get a good laugh out of my single girl adventures. I have self respect, but sometimes ladies is pimps too. And by that I mean everyone has to have some fun.

While staying in the loop with the whole "mating" disasters, today is really no different.

Make sure to link up with some gal pals and I on thursday to tell us about your terribly horrid online dating disaster!

Meet guy. We shall call him Freshmeat Freddy. 

Background story on FF: Met him at school. Fell in love with him because he was one hundred and sixty two percent my type. What could be freakin better? I should have stopped myself from ruining my dreams right there. Granted he was a little smaller (height/weight wise...jeez get your mind out of the gutter) than I wanted but you can't get all your qualifications met. We talked, he was awkward. OH BOY EVEN MORE MY TYPE. We exchanged numbers, went to a club meeting together (woah romantic right?), texted here and there to meet up but never happened. 

Finally one night, Freshmeat Freddy and I were free at the same time. We hung out, obvi. I learned more about who he was. And what was that, you may ask? Gosh darn annoying and immature, hence freshmeat. Aka he's younger than me. I left not really wanting to ever talk to him again besides if I want something from him. Ya know... My apologies. 

It's my blog so I guess it would make sense for you to leave if you are unhappy with my life choice or want to send me hatemail. Otherwise, proceed. 

He texted me the night after our hangout (which ended terribly. He was throwing a tantrum like a child #lame) asking if I wanted to hang out again. I just played too cool to care and said that I was with friends. Blew him off, buh bye!

A few weeks have gone by and I decided I wanted to see what he was up to. Here is exactly how it went (after I said hey first):

Alright so no. I will not give you a pitty party, or rub your head or stay by your bedside and bring you soup and be your mommy and make you feel better. Like, why cant you just not freaking answer me. I probably would have appreciated that MUCH more.

Things I'd rather be doing than care about your headache:

1. Scrub off dead skin from my body

2. Blog about it (oh wait...thanks dude!)

3. Drink and proceed to tell you off about how immature you are

4. Driving into a random state filled with farm land, amish people, and trailer parks with no cell phone reception.

5. Tumblr my pathetic teenage life away

6. Take up a new sport. Maybe like crew or something? Ya know got all dat upper body strength going for me.

7. Learn the lyrics to every TuPac song. I mean that would be pretty cool...

8. Sit on tinder and find boys that would rather tell me that they think I'm pretty (oh gosh wow thanks rando) who WOULDN'T text me to complain about their headache because lets be real almost every guy on tinder is on there for the same reasons. Shout out to the dude's who actually are normal.

9.Work on my two presentations that are due next week. Which says a lot....

10. Read conversations from my ex which makes me miss him hide in a pop out cake and end up at the wrong party.

Bottom line: You are a potential hook up. Not boyfriend. Therefore, I could care less about your whiney little brain with a headache on the side.

And I'm sure we all know how my relationship with Freshmeat Freddy stands.

Granted, he's a nice guy but #OnToTheNextOne

Make sure to link up!

Alright future boyfriend, you can come save me now.