Revenge of the Kiddycup (ew)

Kiddycup. That's a name you haven't heard in a while and if you have...I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be friends. You know when you're too amazed by a guy to see all the crappy things your friends see? Or you do see it but you're like no he's perfect I'll push that little booger to the side. I mean when you push the grossness to the side and it keeps coming back like a germ, or a really bad pimple, you need to let it go ladyfriend.


For Valentines day, since I was still *technically* with Kiddycup, he was away. I was home bored, dramatically dying my hair. He told me via first 'break up' that he had already gotten me something. I'm a girl - I figure out everything and pretended to act oblivious when he said he had a great gift already. Someone call the cops on account this guys a PHONY.

Timeline goes like this: He went to Flo Rida the month before, found this amazing chocolate place that he goes to every year, asked if I wanted something from there, I said no, he said I will surprise you. I shit my pants with excitement because I thought he was too sweet. He comes back from vacation I saw the chocolates on his desk OPENED (thinking nothing of it) weeks later We 'break up' for like a week, cool fine. I'll live - good thing I'm pretty. Are you following this mess of a not relationship? Fab.

I saw him the week following valentines day. We had dinner, he finally gave me the chocolates FROM HIS DESK. No card? Not a problem. He handed me the chocolate hearts (AWWWWW VOM) and put them into my purse. I thought nothing of it. I saw him again two days later, with chocolates still in my purse. We broke up for good that week. I pulled these little suckers (which don't taste good AT ALL by the way) and realized there was no twist tie. I didn't eat them yet? Weird.

Mothaeffer either regifted that baby or got really hungry and decided to not go food shopping and indulge in the tacky 'supposed to be romantic' chocolates for the girl he wont call his girlfriend yet says he's super into her.

Spy Rachel 1, Tacky boys 0. 
To the girls that date kiddycup in the future, I hope he opens your chocolates before gifting them, too.

Single and loving it

Last August, I was #drunkInLove and wrote a post about why being having a boyfriend is the greatest thing ever. Single sunshiney Rach here, to counteract that statement.

Why having a boyfriend rocks being single is the better option. As told to you by me.

They are required to clean off your cars from the snow. In the cold. With no gloves. Like shit, am I not independent? It's pretty much known that an independent woman is sexier than one that relies on her boyfriend for all her problem solving skills (at least he was good for math help). Being independent is great, you also don't have to share food

They pretend or learn to appreciate the things you give many craps about. I mean isn't that what blog friends and instagram followers are for?

You can laugh about ugly pictures of you two together from when you were younger/before dating (if applicable) I got nothing for this one. Take shot. And snapchat about it.

You can dress them how you want. LIKE A REAL LIFE KEN DOLL. It's safe to say we like guys who aren't so much mama's boys. They can do their own laundry, cook for themselves, and know to say no to zip off cargo pants. Sure when I have a boyfriend I don't mind spending money on him, but now? It's all about more retail therapy for moi *evil laugh here*.

You now have a reason to give someone pointless DIY crafts. and they accept them. Again, entering blog world has been a tremendous thing in my life because you appreciate the art shenans I get myself into. I wonder where his 9(?) month picture frame I made him featuring a "HAPPY 9 MONTHS I LOVE YOU" is. Trash? Probably. His room? Dear lord, I'd be needing a new pair of pants for that one. Brb, laughing uncontrollably. 

Boom. You now have someone by your side to dance with at frat parties. Or parties in general. THIS IS WHAT A BEST FRIEND IS FOR. You also don't have to worry about jersey turnpiking. Stick to the merp-system.

You can take dumb pictures with them, and people still think you guys are the cutest. Well, atleast thats what they comment........ Being a human in 2014, I can reassure you you can do this with Pluto or Ryan Gosling and it would be considered cute. Boom.

You can see how much you've both changed. Or not changed. Does becoming more cynical count?

You can dance like absolute loons together. and it's still damn cute. Silly relation shipped Rachel, you can do that with a shot of tequila.

They look cute when playing with puppies. and babies. You just can't help but sort of get all googly-eyed and go "awwwwwwwww". Puppies > boyfriends. Seriously, they will love you unconditionally and not break up with you and jump up and down and do wrestling matches with them. 

The best part? They still choose to go near you after you throw up on them. Aka that happened to me in 2010. On a bus. Sitting next to B. Well we broke up, so clearly the vom thing was too close to comfort. CYA!

To my dearest Rachel when she's in a relationship, don't forget about your day 1 homies (i.e. Pizza Lunchables, Chocolate ice cream, and your iPhone portable charger). They really can't ever leave your side (which is a-okay by them), so don't neglect them! Guys will break your heart, tell you you're crazy (...but I'm not Taylor Swift..?), and enjoy your drunk snapchats, but at the end of the day will they be there when your looking for someone to love? LOL no.  Xox, Single (and sort of lovin' it) Rachel.

A humorous post not to offend anyone in a relationship (more power to ya)!

My boyfriend, the blog

Ever come home from a long day and instantly prop open your computer, launch your internet browser, and type in the phrase "www.YOURBLOGLINKHERE.com"? Ever check, double check, and triple check on your latest published post even though you read through it more than time can count? Chances are - you're dating your blog. Your blog is your boyfriend. And let's face it, if you have a real life boyfriend (excuse me I'm not sure what that even isssssss..), your real life boyfriend becomes a third wheel. 

Remember, I'm not judging. Because I'm basically in a relationship with good ole Sun A. Sinatra - what a handsome man if I do say so myself. Here's why:

I buy things for him. Sponsorships, blog domain, computer programs, iPhone apps. You name it, I spoil it. Sometimes buying things for a blog is better than having an actual boyfriend, because he can't talk back and say he doesn't want it. I think I spend as much money on Sunny A than myself. Ok, who am I kidding I retail therapy as if that was my real life job. I question why it's not. Mr. Actual boyfriend might have to make room for my dude, Mr. Bloggie, whenever he decides to come around. 

I worry/ check up on him a lot. Not enough comments? Let me post that on my social media and while I'm at it tell my friends to check up on him to. Did I spell that right? Are people loving him as much as I do today? I get mad at him. If he (or my internet) decides to start a fight, I may or may not end up in tears. Cooperation is key, learn it brah.

He buys me things. Obviously the guy is supposed to spoil the girl (#princess issues), so I love what he does for me. He's given me the opportunity to make new friends, and receive products to review! He's helped me grow in so many ways, so I think I'll keep him around.

I spend a lot of time with him. He gives me reason (ok dramatic) to take pictures of almost everything and have an excuse to tell my friends. I will spend morning, nights, lunch breaks, and even bathroom breaks (be honest, you've done it) with him. Hello commitment, how are you? He's what I think about in the shower (shhhh), or when I'm driving - figuring out what he will inspire me to do/write next.

I give him social media love.  Over here in our sunshiney relationship, we're all about PDA. He loves when I gloat about him on my instagram, or even when I tweet about what he has to say tomorrow! We share our interests, things he's willing to give away (all about compromise here!), and how much he loves all of my blog friends. *Virtual kisses, for the win!!!!!*

Love/Hate relationship. One second he's the best thing in my life, and the next he's on my nerves and I spend a day trying my best to avoid him at all costs and punch (read: slam my fingers on keyboard angrily) him a few times letting out a good ole I FREAKING HATE YOU sob. But then I'm like, shit, I love him. Why would I ignore him? And he's over there like haha, told you so.

Are you boo-lovin' on your blog like me?