Enter love, in the cruelest of places

Cue Matisyahu's "One Day"and "Jerusalem". Basically if you've been on a trip to Israel (which since none of you are jewish bloggers....so I just look like a loon at this point), you know that this is all that plays once you arrive home. Cue this semester. I'm taking both a creative writing class AND a holocaust lit class. Greatest duo ever because those are the things I am passionate about the super most-est (deal with my incorrect grammar).

If you've ever been bored and searched through my super sweet archives, you'd know I posted about my trip to Poland (via March of the Living) Also you'd know I've posted about stupid things like chairs and stuff that made no sense. But that was a long time ago and is the exact reason philosophers determined that the past is in the past.

Right so like I said, I have both of those classes. And the best [or worst] part about them is that I have the same professor for both. It's probably a bad thing just because I suck up (UNINTENTIONALLY) so so hard. I can't help that I'm really passionate about learning of the holocaust and just want to write about it, and talk about it. Almost always.  For instance, I think he got mad because a holocaust survivor is coming to speak to our class mid-semester and I told him I've seen him speak before. Teacher 0 Rachel 1.

Clearly I love writing, or else I wouldn't be on here writing. It's the whole one thing leads to another and if it didn't exist then I wouldn't be here type scenario. So in my creative writing class our homework is to write a poem about different topics he gave us, and I instantly chose fear. The feelings of going through a gas chamber and crematorium [At Majdanek, a camp that could be up and running in 48 hours TODAY)were and still are so vivid in my mind.  The story behind my poem is that I was having really bad anxiety on my trip because I have really bad anxiety sometimes when I shower (a story for another time. But all you need to know is that my anxiety and the holocaust intertwine). During the trip in Poland, my anxiety was at an all time high. Walking through history was both exhilarating and petrifying. At our last concentration camp we were visiting, I was emotionally drained. I walked in and out of the gas chamber faster than a blink of an eye. I walked through it. They had boards on the floor but seeing the blue stains on the wall (from the Zyclone B) had my heart fall into my stomach and churn for the whole time. I seriously sprinted out of there and just bawled for ever.

After calming down with the help of my friend Noah (hey, remember him?), I decided to join the rest of the group and calm the heck down. The answer to all my problems? Holding hands with Trudy, the Holocaust survivor on our trip. We walked into a barrack that turned into an art visual type place. It was dark. Yet Trudy, with all her strength for even being able to go back on this trip each year, she told me to look through the window the size of a peanut, and she saw the light. I then felt a sense of strength come through to me. I was strong.

@Auschwitz-Birkenau

We eventually made our way through the camp to the crematorium. This is where things change for the worst/best. Worst because it was the most horrifying moment of my life but best because I've had the ability to use my writing skills to express how I felt during it. All in all, Noah held me by his side the whole time and I basically wanted to lose my shit. We walked in and I knew I wanted out STAT. I told him I had to leave, seeing the fire's they threw people in. We tried finding the exit, and it was a serious maze. I felt short of breath, hopeless, and down right scared. All we had to do was ask, and within a matter of seconds we were outtie. I cried forever after, as you can only imagine. The thing that scared me the most was that I, too, felt like I wouldn't be able to escape, and it was only for a moment.

Thank you for reading this, really. If you've scrolled on to the bottom anyway, thankies. 
I wanted to share with ya my poem, just because...and it goes a little something like this...(shameless aaron carter reference)

Escaped Survivors

Eerie silence tapped me on the shoulder
Easily scared, clenching to feel a lovers heartbeat

Emotional ashes were sprinkled around my nightmare
Emptiness.

Eventually I need to stop

Eager to escape

Could I get out?

Effects of fear filled the air.

Ever so slightly breathing, deep breathes and gasps
Exam the walls. The color, the smell.

Everything blowing in the wind, the history

Echo’s of the past, please no round two

Embarked on a journey with questionable endings
                                                                        Would I get out?

Enthusiastically hopeful, I was in a maze
Even he stayed courageous, I was safe by his side

Enter love in the cruelest of places
Enemies on Earth,
End.

@Majdanek....See me at the top right corner? Next to Noah in the black

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out! I love talking about my trip!

New beginnings while giving back

Life has just been on a happy kick. Maybe because I'm done learning for a month and a half, and my only worries the past few days have been to make sure I check in on the blog world every once in a while. Besides that I've been seeing friends, family, and staying in bed with my one true love, netflix.

Today is where things get a whole lotta different. Well, at least I hope not drastically. Don't miss me too much. But if you do, feel free to write and/or send gifts to my home address.
My dad doesn't understand why everyday there is a new package with my name on it. Keep 'em comin.

I start my first retail job in about 45 minutes. *gulp*. I've never done retail before. Previous jobs have just been chasing and reprimanding kids to listen to me although I look their size and height. I'm also not allowed to wear jeans, only nice outfits. It's winter. I don't do "nice". So with that, here's to more instagrams of my cute stylish outfits.

And less time dedicated to blogging. I don't have a set schedule since it's a month long break before school starts and all I have to worry about is working and blogging. If I lack posts, just remember to stalk the crap out of me on my twitter. I'll be sure to report new tinder dudes (hopefully we can soon say bye bye to this...we'll see....), new shopping finds, and how much I love my blog friends.

In addition to all of this goodie goodness, I *fingers crossed* got a co-'advisor' position for my high school youth group, since I'll be home all next semester. A thing to know about me is that when I was going through the lows of my roller coaster ride of high school, I always had my youth group to fall back on. I drove all my anger and frustration into passion and hard word for my positions on board to inspire others. At the end of my time in my youth group, aka near graduation, I was ready to peace the eff out. But being an alumnus and looking back, I wish I was still involved.

I couldn't be more thrilled to help give back to what has shaped me into the person I am today. 100 freakin percent. Since my freshman year, I've been dying to help staff like my blog friend (AND REAL LIFE FRIEND), Jenny has.

There is nothing better than the feeling of knowing you are able to give back.

In the words of a sixth grader on instant messenger: "XO BBL. LYLAS TEXT THE CELLI <3".

That time I went to Poland.

*FYI: I will be posting less-than-pretty (graphic) pictures, if you don't read today's post. I totally understand* 

I've been meaning to blog this even before I became I legit blogger. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey called March of the Living. I am jewish, incase you were unaware! (I feel like there are ZERO jewish bloggers....!) March of the Living is a two week trip to Poland and Israel. I wanted to share with everyone my experience, because it's not everyday you walk up to a friend and say "Oh hey, just last week I was walking through a concentration camp in Poland. What's been up with you?" Weirdly enough, I could say that. Except, tears were 99.99% involved. I was able to walk where many of my distance ancestors once suffered. Even some of my friends great grandparents. Throughout my trip I had too many mixed emotions, but I wouldn't trade this trip for the world. The greatest part? You could go on it too. Jewish or not.

I don't want to bore you with writing, because as cliche as it is, pictures are worth a thousand bajillion and ten words. Feel free to continue to not read, or read on. Luckily for my trip, I was able to experience the hardest parts holding my best friends hands and even experience a survivor of Auschwitz's story...first hand. 

Here goes nothing:

Famous sign at Auschwitz. The "B" in Arbeit (first word) was switched by the prisoners, as a sign of rebellion. The phrase means "work will set you free", and sadly it did not.

Inside a barrack at Auschwitz. While there, my friend found pictures of documents of his great grandparents. 

The view outside the cellblock 10, where experiments among other things happened. 

One of my favorite pictures. The hands of a holocaust survivor (of Auschwitz) on my trip. Interested in her story? Watch videos here.

 Cattle car used to transport from Auschwitz to Auschwitz-Birkenau. 

A beautiful thing to see while leaving a terrible place. (@ Auschwitz-Birkenau)

Trudy telling her story in a barrack at Ausch-Birkenau. 

The actual march. We marched out of Auschwitz into Auschwitz-Birkeanu. 

Majdanek. A concentration camp right outside Warsaw that could be up and running in 48 hours today. 

My best friend (who I'm seeing in a few weeks) and I at Auschwitz-Birkeanu. Beyond thankful for a friend like him. 

Hey, thanks for sticking around. I didn't mean to put a damper on your day. SO SMILE. Just remember to be thankful for all that you have, everyday. And to remember that we should never forget. 

If you want to see more, email me. I love to talk about my experience with others and I am ever so thankful for my parents sending me on this life changing trip.

(the dead sea, israel)

November, I want you

It's what you think. I've been in love with november for quite a while. Errrrr okay so like two months but basically I'm in love. It's real and true, I swear.

Whyyyyyyyyyy should november be so good to me? I swear we are a match made in heaven for the first time. Normally I loathe any month after it starts getting under 60 degrees (read: October), and I hibernate until flowers are rebirthed and I find my first spider to scream at. Ahhhhh, spring. Think of me as Sandy from spongebob in her bubble of a house (as if that ever made sense though...). Also I hate spongebob, but this year I finally am excited for fall.

I want to experience the whole she-bang. Non-hibernation, livin' life, and all. NYC before the snow, crankin' up those christmas tunes until I finally find new music, black friday JK going to orlando, and choose not to sit inside falling asleep at the same hours of newborn babies and live a little.

November? You're lookin' pretty good.

In just a week from Thursday, I will be leavin' on a jet plane, and entering the land of the O-H-I-O. Flight lands at 10PM, then what? You asked for it. I AM MEETING ASHLEIGH AND RACHEL. They are driving an hour to meet me for a night. It just goes to show you that sometimes you have a greater connection with blog-land friends than friends you've known for a while. Heck, friends I've had since 'nam wouldn't drive an hour to visit me at my college or if they were for whatever reason near me. Blogger, you've been great in my life.

Granted, I can only see them for so long. But I think we are all excited to discuss blogging, endless picture sesh, and anything else a blog date includes. Food? Let's hope food. Or wine. Or basically anything that you find on a #ThirstyThurs. 'Nuff said. See ya soon, gal pals (Insert endless smileys and winky faces here).

Friday the 8th comes and boom. Off to Canada I go for one of my best guy friends frat formal. Way to excited considering I haven't seen him since April 2012. Note: He is paying for everything. I must admit, I'm a lucky one....No phone, huh? Off the charts/record type thing. No insta's, no tweets about how I love canada and wearing reveling clothing and feeling legal and ready to parrrrtay. Let's do this.

So like, what's school?
A few weeks later I am off to my annual thanksgiving trip to Universal with the fam. We go almost every year, except I didn't last year, and it stunk. We have a ritual where we always check out Margaritaville and get the mile high stomach ache giver nachos. Nothing makes me happier, except when I'm by the bathroom for the rest of the night....There have been happier times.

back when I was a fetus aka three years ago

With last year aside, November is a good friend. I met my best friend two November's ago, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Without further adieu (or however the eff you spell/pronounce it...)....thanksgiving stuffing, warm weather, drinking legally, blogger meet ups, and nearing the end of the semester, November, are you ready to be mine?

Xo,
Yours truly.

Off to school today, and my 100th post!!!!!

Happy 100th post to this baby blogger!

Yeah yeah we say we get to know someone through their pretty designed about me's and all of their awesome posts. But I bet you don't know THAAAAT much about them. In reality. Like, I bet you didn't know that my man Obama and I share the same bday, right? Unless of course you're a real life friend and somehow discovered my blog. Again.

As you read this I am treking my way to school. gulp. I am going to freshman orientation (gag me with a spoon. I am not a freshman). I do however, hope to make new friends and I am excited and scared to see what is in store for me. #Startingfresh

Sooooo in honor of 100....here's to learning about me!

I eat peanut butter like it's my job. During the summer I eat it at least once a day. I have peanut butter ice cream, peanut buttered candy (obv), and my favorite is peanut butter and banana (and sometimes fluff!)

I despise feet. Seriously that's all you need to know about it. 

I've gone to jewish camps my whole life. Yes, I am a Jewish blogger. I went to day camp my whole life and then I was in a youth group that I went to camp through them for three different summers and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I've had some of the best times in my life at sleep away camp.

When planking was 'in'....

Even if I'm in a huge bed, I'd rather cuddle. Does that mean I'm needy or something? ergggg

I've traveled to Israel twice. Once in the 10th grade and once in the 12th grade on a trip called the March of the living (post to come eventually, promise). The March of the Living is a two week trip to Poland and Israel, and while in Poland you visit many concentration camps. It was a life changing trip I wouldn't EVER trade for anything.

The beautiful breathtaking city of Jerusalem. Spring 2012. 

I was in a Bollywood film freshman year of high school. It is called "New York" and directed by M night Shyamalan. I'm only an extra though. My brother is a little leauge baseball player in one of the final scenes. 

I have a younger brother and an older sister. 

I went to a One Direction concert MDW 2012 as a spur of the moment decision. #notFangirling

I've gone to see The Maine four different times. So scene of me, right? I still love them!

I was in a Jewish youth group (B'nai B'rith Youth Organization) during all four years of high school and I couldn't be prouder. My youth group really helped me find and develop who I was, as well as enriched my leadership and people skills, and made such great friends. The greatest part is that we can go months with out talking and pick up where we left off. I couldn't thank this organization enough for giving me a life changing experience through many different ways.

I could eat sushi every day, if it was healthy. Or a panera tuna salad sandwich. Orrrrrrr a bacon, egg, and cheese from Dunkin. All great choices, am I right?


I could watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Bring it on, and the Lizzie McGuire movie countless times and never be tired of it.

I had braces for 8 too freakin' long years of my life. From 4th grade to the summer before senior year. Serious Rachel struggles.

Now ya know, what ya didn't know!
I hope you still stick around! If you do, you are a gem.
Keep doin' you.