Can't Eat, Can't Sleep, You rock my world type stuff

Hoping on the dear future boyfriend train because it's still 'boyfriend season' and I'm still 'single as a pringle'.  As far as I've learned, I know that boyfriend seasons doesn't end until spring thaw. So basically....crap, I have not too much way too much time to try to find the one that makes my heart sing and get all those butterfly feelings that the Olsen twins spoke of at the mere age of fetus and a half.

Dear future boyfriend,

Congratulations and welcome to Girlfriend University! We have lot's of great features that make us stand out from the others. Well hey there. I'm pretty sure at this point you get my odd sense of humor and think it's great that I find my jokes (that aren't funny to anyone else) pretty g-d damn hilarious. I will probably also acknowledge this or other not-funny-funny-things later on down the road. Like one night when were in the car on the way to dinner or to do domestic things (because I think that weird shit is fun), I will probably think of this and randomly start giggling for all of eternity.

I hope you are fine with being old people 7/10 times. Although I look probably half your age (don't worry, I'm not), I'm fine with staying in and getting drunk. That's what all the cool hip people do these days though, right? I mean obviously I'm down to merp anytime, anywhere, but chances are I'm more about cuddling and flipping through netflix and until we decide to really not watch anything or else just go back to the news channel.

Alright sorry sorry, I am not THAT boring. Thanks to growing up with a little brother, I like video games, sometimes. But I guess at this point in life, we all like competition so it's up to you if you want to let me win sometimes or not. But it's okay after the two month mark, I give you all permission to try to kick my butt in Mario Kart.

Speaking of things guys like that (some weird) girls don't...I like sports. Let me clarify: I love going to baseball games because warmer weather [and cuter pictures, duh!], basketball games are super fun because I understand it and as far as hockey or football? I mean, if you like it I'm all for it. I just might bother you a few times too many because I don't get what a first and ten truly means. I'm down for cheap beer though, thanks.

Also you wouldn't have made it to boyfriend material if you didn't support all my crazy decisions. Whether encouraging my singing of taylor swift/rap songs, because they just make you down right smile to what to blog about for the upcoming weeks. You have to believe in me, like I believe in you! I don't expect some Dear John, The Notebook, or Nights in Rodanthe (points if you know what these movies are about/seen them), type lifestyle aka why they belong in movies, but as long as you enjoy adventurous things sometimes, then buckle up and lets get moving.

See, I'm fun!!!!!

I'm awkward sometimes (but you know that by now). I enjoy chocolate covered gummy bears, Frank Sinatra (le hardcore duh if you end up reading this), zinfandel, spooning, retail therapy (lots of it), taking cute pictures together, sprinkles, anything that will make me happy, and of course, you. I enjoy you a lot. Heck, I enjoy you so much I probably want to spend too much time with you, so sorry about that one. I only hope you feel the same.

I hope you dress nicely. Because that is probably what attracted me to you in the first place...besides facial hair and how easy it is for you to make me smile. If you don't dress nicely, houston we have some problems and that it something I would love to help out with.

Chances are it will take some begging and a half to get me to watch horror/action movies with you. I'm all about those rom-coms and just flat out romantic things that puke I WANT MY LIFE TO BE A FAIRYTALE, too.

Finally, you better be down for having room for activities. Nah, not talking about needing space in your place to build a fort (WHICH I WOULD FREAKING LOVE), but I mean to do things. On the days I am feeling anti-netflix (not as rare as you think...) I love days of doing simple yet grand things such as art museum, going to the city, even spending an afternoon in a random place (i.e bookstore). I like artsy things, I hope you get that. Also in your contract, I think I stated you must be able to take pictures of me for my corner of the internet? Brunching is always a great idea, just saying.

At the end of the day, as long as you enjoy being with me like Drake does (sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on), then I think we have a deal.

I'll be seeing you. (Vomcity cliché movie reference)

Hugs and kisses and all that mushy shit,
Ya baby girl
Rachel


P.S I'm Boston bound today!

A+ for symbolism

You know how throughout your education you always had to pick out the symbolism from said books you were assigned to read yet you just sparknoted it anyway? Like that time you had to figure out why Hester Prynne is such a slut and wears an A on her chest. Why does she wear an A on her chest? To make her stand out because she is such a slore-bucket. Earmuffs Mom, sorry.

Last night, I had the greatest revelation that I wanted to expunge of everything about my ex-y poo.
Buried in between my thousands of tweets of KiddyCup and- Well damn, that's basically all I tweet about. I'm one of those girls..shit. But in the midst of all of the giggle shenans, I had the guts to do this.

Finally throwing out dried up flowers from my ex. Very symbolic.
— Rachel (@Sun_and_Sinatra) January 3, 2014

See so here is real life symbolism for all you english lovin' people. Dried up flowers because clearly he is dried up out of my life. Dramatic but you know, he doesn't exist to me anymore (except he had the nerve to snap me the other night randomly. So rude). Throwing it out was too symbolic for my own freaking good. I sort of hesitated at first but is he in my life anymore? No. I then smirked and said my goodbyes, which is sort of the final one for me. All I have left to get rid of is his insignificant random-ass four foot teddy bear he got me for my birthday (it's like he knew he was breaking up with me so he could get me a pointless gift...oops). Oh and his clothes, which have now become nothing but t-shirts to sleep in. AND WHO IS GOING TO GIVE UP SLEEP SHIRTS? Not me, sorry.

What is he doing to me, damn. I need to get rid of these shirts. Note to self: Get rid of shirts, stat.

I now have filled my anthro mug (fave mug, if I may add) with my favorite necessity: sharpies to doodle with. As crazy as it sounds, being able to legitimately chuck fast pitch them into le garbage was the holy realization that I have moved on to bigger and better and nicer and sweeter and down right good things. You really do have to get through the bad to get to the reaaaaaally good.

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My superman saves the night

As I brought in 2014, I thought to myself one thing: New year, new me boy. Starting fresh. I was too excited to be brining in the new year with my lady Jenny (real life friend/blog friend) and other fabulous people. As I counted down the minutes, awaiting a certain someones text (you know who you are)..I realized that I was that person at a NYE party that everyone laughs about because there is always one of these people at every party. What person? The one thats like GUYS TWO MINUTES TIL THE BALL DROPS...etc... G-d bless everyone who was with me's soul.

As 2014 crept closer and closer, I got anxiety. Just a little freaking bit. I wasn't ready for the craziest year of my life to end. 2013 taught me that you should only do things for yourself (and not boys...especially when you are my age), my love for tinder is sad, and there is nothing retail therapy [and chocolate covered gummy bears] cannot solve. #Preach

How did I spend my first day of the new year? With the one and only KiddyCup Prince Charming, but of course. I plan on showing him this *I think* because he deserves it (keep reading...), so show your #teamKC love....A lazy lazy tuesday of cuddling and grinning until my cheekbones hurt turned into sushi (like, obvi #whitegirlprobz). I had plans to see a friend last night, yet Karma is a sloot and bit me in the bottom. Hi carly!

After finally deciding to leave his warm and large (read: biceps bigger than my face) arms, I got into my freezing cold car. CAN'T WAIT TO REST said my body. IM HUNGRY FOR SOME RUBBER said the damn pothole.

Instant reaction? Cry cry cry. Calm the eff down Rachel. Get your shit together and do what you got to do. Next thing I knew, KC was getting a ring ring from the crying betch. I was only 15 minutes away from him, and I was so self centered (and forgot he was having an allergic reaction....I'M STILL SORRY KIDDYCUP!!!!) and what did he do besides pull up about 20 minutes later? My freaking hero.

A cop pulled up and asked if I knew the man in my car. My boyfriend? No. Not really. A random who saw me stranded on the side of the road and I let him in my car? Yes cop...... Absofrigginlutely.....

We're either really great at ending up spending an ample amount of time in cars, or we just really love sharing small spaces. Either way, he held my hand and despite everything going on in that moment he made it feel alright. VOM CITY, I know. I know. Being the superman he is, he took the journey with me (well, he was my only available ride, too...) to the car place and home. And wawa. Because betches love wawa. Except for Kiddycup because he doesn't understand why he can't just pump his own gas ;-)

I told him I obviously created this terrible stress in my life because I'm crazy and had a plot juuuuust to spend more time with him. So I guess say your goodbyes to kiddycup because this post and last night probably will scare him away for eternity and a half. Kidding I hope he stays for a while *blushes*.

And if he's a super hero...I wonder if he can say my name like batman does ;) (Where's Rachellll...)
I mean if not, it's okay too. I think I'd like love to keep him just the way he is.

I know the nicknames can be stupid, confusing, and hilarious, but either way, he literally rocks my world. *Insert trash bucket because of my word vomit here. This is what being a sappy girl feels like.*

Just like a romantic movie scene

*In Robin Thicke voice* Hey hey hey! *End Robin Thicke voice*

I know it's another monday and I feel like I honestly have a butt load of things to fill you in on. Like how I can't stop listening to Partition by Queen B. Like the status of where I stand with Mister Kiddycup/Prince Charming. My current location is on the corner of confused and when can we DTR  (define the relationship).

Last you've heard of this monster who is of my liking, you knew we had our second date. Well y'all, I'm here to report we had a third one this past friday. And a fourth one tonight.

Friday went down a little something like this: We went to dinner (we couldn't didn't want to wait to get into the cute little italian place because it was crooooowded, so we headed somewhere else). At said 'somewhere else' I ran into my ex's next door neighbor last year. Totes looked like she was on a date from tindy-poo because I knew for a fact she didn't live anywhere around there. So whatever. BUT GUESS WHAT? Prince charming kissed me in public. OOOOOOOOH SHEET NOW YA KNOW IT'S REAL. Well I don't know, but I'm never one for PDA like that but it was kinda funky. Is that what being an adult feels like? So dinner was great, we walked around the town for about two minutes because I saw a christmas tree I wanted to take a picture of, but my iPhone didn't want to let that happen. He obviously understood it was for my blog so he was very accepting of it.

As we were walking back to his car, hands interlocked, it felt like a movie scene. No really, let me explain. I was cold in my cute little pleather jacket and he was like oh hey, I'm not cold, let me give you my coat and gracefully draped it across my shoulders. I think I died justtttttt a little bit. Only a little.  The night ended with some movie watching, some cuddles, and a bad case of I-never-want-to-leave syndrome. As usual. Let it be known, he was also the one to initiate the plans, once again. Dangit, where did I find him....!!

Tonights the big number four. When can I ask the whole awkward "hey what are we type thing?".  I know I'm trying to jump to fast, but you know my damn generation all we do is rush things because we are impatient as anything and love nothing more than instant gratification (and selfies). 

Talking freaking out to Rach, Melissa, and Fal in our group message they were telling me that I was 'dating' Mr. Kiddycup but dating is different than 'making it official'. I was like woah girlfriends, hold up. HOW ARE WE DATING? I've never heard this before!!!

So, do you agree? You think you're really pretty?  Are we dating? Please send help. As soon as possible, too please.

So for now, while I wait for your replies as to what I should do...you can find me in bed all day jamming to Yonce. Kthnx.

Oh, and this conversation? Let's keep it between us. 

KIDDING AWKWARD BECAUSE IF YOU SEE THIS PRINCE CHARMING.....hi...close your eyes and pretend this never happened. pooof!

Mister KiddyCup turns Prince Charming

Wondering what happened to him? Last night was date numero dos. And boy was that a doozie. In the best freaking way possible.

Let's start with this: If you are behind on who "Mister KiddyCup" even would be, I suggest you read this before getting your nosey all up in my bizznaz.

Read it? Alright, good. Now get this:

date #2 tweets: he read the post
— Rachel (@Sun_and_Sinatra) December 18, 2013

Ok, so I showed it to him. We were talking about it over sushi (obviously our favorite AND the best food), and I somehow mustered every once of confidence I had (like Teddy Geiger in For You I will) and let him have at it. Shit, now he's never going to talk to me. Can I run and hide now? STOP READING MISTER KIDDYCUP! 
-He laughed at being called Mister KiddyCup but doesn't understand why I won't expose his real name and all that real life thing shenans
-He told me it was actually cute and I was a good writer Thanks....
I explained to him how much of a big deal this was because my friends in real life never find my blog by me showing them, they find it on their own (P.S real life friends, how do you do it...)

We then got into the car. And he did not drive me back to my car. THE DATE WAS STILL ON. We went to Longwood Gardens so I could get my I celebrate Christmas for the night-fix. I was swooing and looking like a tourist; stopping to take pictures of almost every tree. I mean after a while, I understand they aren't that exciting... I told him if he stuck around he would have to get used to stopping mid-walk to take a picture. He had fun with it. I had fun with him. Okay great.

 We also froze our booty's off until finding the indoor plant stuff with the COOLEST little displays and staying in there for a while to warm up. He is also not shy at all, and isn't afraid to embarrass me (read: he wanted to take an orange off one of the trees in the 'jungle' and I basically had a bird). He also got me hot chocolate (hey, perfect) and we saw this display (that I didn't take a picture of this year) and I told him it reminded me of Cinderella. And I forget what he said but it was something along the lines of "Here's your glass slipper". I then told him something along the lines of "What are you, prince charming?" Yes. Yes he is.  (read: So far.....) Oops.

Did I mention I didn't want to leave again once I had to?
Did I mention HE asked to see ME this weekend?
Did I mention if he reads this it's awkward but hey, it's my own fault.
Did I mention...we got a picture together? #DoItForTheBlog, right? ;)

And all I got was a damn starbucks cup.

Even if you only spend about a good ten seconds on my blog, you know that I love blogging about my guy experiences, I should just stop reiterating at this point. After my past two tinder slumps being an epic fail beyond comprehension, I decided to give how many effs? Oh, I'd say about zero. Yea, you heard me. I decided to turn tinder into a simple game of hot or not, not who's my next victim ;).

(via pinterest)

P.S hey you tinder gds, if you read this, maybe I should like be a spokes person for y'all or something. I've got a handful and a half to say about your little match makey-appy.

Like I said, I gave up and made it a game. I match with a dude (like every other time....) and he decided to initiate the conversation. Whatever I thought, we'll just talk until he gets tired of me. Yet he decided to ask me questions noone has ever asked before on tinder and actually wanted to get to know me.

...Wait, those guys exist on that creepy ass app? Apparently (read: so far)....
He asked about my hobbies and what I do in my free time, and my big mouth blurted out blogging. Am I dumb? I'd say like, yes? Normally guys are like "oh really? that's cool" but nope not this one, Mister KiddyCup (explanation later), was genuinely interested and was now putting on his camo hunting gear. Meaning, he wanted to find le blog. Did I let him? Hell no. Like, sorry you can't read, I need to blog about you...

Anyway after talking for a bit, he wanted to meet up. I decided to go into meeting up with legitimately less than -5% expectations. I'm a young girl, I get my hopes up faster than a grandma getting tired at a 9PM showing of The Hunger Games. Eh whatever, just go with it.

I even tweeted the day before how excited I was to live tweet the date if it sucked. Note: I didn't even pick up my phone once. Yet as I was blasting my John Mayer playlist and pulling up to the meet up location, I got nervous.

Is he going to like me?
Is he going to think I'm funny?
What about what questions will he ask?
How many times will he mention my blog to try and get it out of me so he can read how weird I really am? (The answer, for reals: I can't even count. Too many.)

We clicked almost instantly. Between having way too much in common, I mean waaaaaay too much (like weird ass uncommon ish), and talking his ear off, I'd call the date successful. After lunch we decided to get into the car and drive to get coffee (since that was the original plan of our date). I was so excited to get a PSL (I THOUGHT THEY DISAPPEARED IN WINTER), and thought he was an avid coffee drinker until we got there. He said he doesn't drink coffee. Oh okay, playing me I see you homie. He ended up with some white choco shenans and asked for his drink not too hot. They called it "Kid Temperature" and I laughed at him. Perfect making fun of him material. Even the barista's said he will never be able to live it down. And as long as we're friends, it's a big fat eff no. Hence, my nickname for him: Mister KiddyCup.

Starbies was packed like sardines so we sat in his car for three damn hours just talking. But you know when you don't even realize time flies because you just are living in the moment? Yeah, that thing happened. Before you know it, I had to go. And I didn't want to.

No pictures to suffice? Welp, I am a F+ blogger.

I told Mister KiddyCup how I basically wanted to hate him so I could at least have solid blog material (as per usual with the past tinder meet ups...). Instead, I left with realizing that when you go into things with minimal expectations, you are able to have ten times more fun than you thought you would have (Or maybe we just really hit it off...).


Oh, and a damn Starbucks (PSL) in hand.

Happy birthday, ya filthy animal.

Here ye, here ye. It's christmas season so obviously somehow quoting Home Alone 2 feels appropriate. How fitting is it that I am posting this on the six of December. What a fine day. I love me some even numbers for I have a weird feeling towards odd numbers.

Also, this is probably a post where I should have put on my big girl undies, but I guess not. Oops.

Last year on this exact day I was looking at the clock when it struck midnight, so excited to call my best friend on his birthday. Best friend, yes. Boyfriend? Even better. Yuuppppp, it was my boyfriends birthday! I was so excited for him to answer since it was our first birthday of his spent together. (Besides that time sophomore year in high school when I went to his suprise party....) Whatevs. I called him at exactly midnight, phone in hand because I was freaking excited. I was more excited for his birthday than he was. He didn't answer. I called again. No answer. I was pissed. Was I a bad girlfriend because I was mad at him on his own birthday? Yeah, probably to that too. Turns out he went out and got an extra large pair of drunky pants on him. He finally called back and there I was, Miss pissymood pants grunting a Happy birthday to him. We hung up.

I was so excited to see him that weekend, regardless, since we were celebrating his birthday, our six months (big whoop, right?) and Hannukah (#TheTribeSticksTogether). I never had this serious of a boyfriend before, so I went H.A.M on getting him nice presents: Shirts from Vineyard Vines, a new wallet (since he used a dorky little kid one), and something else but clearly it wasn't that important because I forget. He bought me a cute little photobook of all of our pictures, since we had a lot from me being in love with him all through high-school. The weekend was spent celebrating all great things, and it was all a walk in the park around his campus. I was thinking that whole weekend how excited I was to spend his big 20's with him. And now that thought is in the crapper. Along with my heart.
HELLOOO DRAMATIC!


A year later exactly I sit here wondering...
+Will I ever get over him? Dear Gd please make this happen, I know there are bigger and better things waiting for me.
+Am I a bitch to not say happy birthday to him? Or should I say it in hopes he will fall in love with me again for the first time. (ooh, I'm harsh).
+Why did I ever spend so much money on him!!!!!!!!!!!! (He's probably wondering the same about me..)

But hey! thanks for teaching me...
...to not be so clingy
...you can date someone and not really love them. (eep nipped that one in the freaking booty...)
...nice/hairy dudes are so my thing. Bye bye, Bad boysssssss!
...to never move somewhere for someone in hopes to bring you closer together.
...to do more things for me.

Here's to your big 2-0, ya filthy animal. And by filthy animal I mean ex boyfriend who broke my heart. Hope you are having A BLAST without me!!!! Make sure to write/invite me to your wedding!

*Note: He really is a nice guy, I'm just a silly little lady with a broken heart. If he or anyone who knows him see this, I did this post out of fun (ok sort of). But this is my blog so tough if ya dont like it*

I'm playing hide and seek and you're it.

"Sometimes you have to shut the doors on old loves in order to be truly close to a new one" -The Carrie Diaries

Have you ever read that it takes a year to get over an ex? That is a perfect example of what NO FREAKIN BODY has time for. Especially my GEN-Y betches. People my age are so aggressive in trying to find the one. (I'd be the first to admit to it to). We love the instant gratification of tinder; swiping right, someone telling us we're pretty, then we begin to try to imagine our lives together. He dresses nice so obviously we're going to go live in the city for a few years, spend weekends waking up late and venturing a few blocks to a hipster museum or a park.

I understand that everything has gotten better as years go on. Think back to even the 60's. When a couple broke up, the girl didn't go home put wine and ice cream next to her, open up blogger to begin to write a post about said ex, and have the picture of ex-handsome to bawl her eyes out to while some emo alternative shit is playing. Then again the guy throwing rocks at a girls window began before the 90's, hence the possibility of ways to be a clingy ex.

Even Danny Zuko was a clingy ex when Sandy wanted to date the newbie. Now onto The Carrie Diaries. Carrie finds out her new dude is writing a new play based on his ex. She gets upset because he's spending hours to think about her[to write this play], so automatically being a typical crazy girlfriend curious, she asked him about it. He told her "You can't move on while your entangled with an ex." Preach, Hottie McHotstuff.

Betches need to get over their ex. Done deal.  If this is you, do you ever find yourself trying so hard to stop yourself from checking who his snapchat besties are? or to see what formal pictures he was tagged in next?  I do appreciate Mr.Ex for cutting the cord instead of him agreeing to being friends. Trust me: It hurts so much to loose someone that means so much to you and is your best friend, but holding on until you loose your grip is not healthy.

(see: Elite Daily)

I'm all for posting pictures of you getting kissed from a guy, let him miss you. Just don't stalk him, it won't do you any good. (Wow Rach, take your own advice from time to time!) The worst is getting caught stalking. In addition to worst: when you try to make a conversation with him and he is rude and short with you? I now fully understand why I'm not supposed to like you anymore. 

Everyone tells me to stop TRYING to find someone...he will find me. So thats what I'm gonna do: I'm over him. I only miss the idea of having a boyfriend (until I see couples fight over stupid stuff). Then I'm just like I'm okay!!!! I got my chocolate, wine, and other single bloggie friends to keep me goin'. 

Future boyfriend: I'm playing hide and seek. You're it.

Matches made in Hell.

For those of you who don't know me and are hopping on over today for the first time, Hi! What a glorious day for you to come join up in my little fort corner thing of the interweb.

*MAKE SURE TO LIKE MY NEW FACEBOOK PAGE! SO EXCITING I KNOW!*

I am guy crazy. I guess I seem crazy in general, but literally who isn't these days? #Trendyproblems
Like my blog besties, we spend our time in group texts, and every day breathing which includes various activities. When we are not doing this,  or sleeping, we tind it up. We spend group chats talking about how weird guys are, or when they dress up like Thor in their pictures, judging them based on their taglines, and sharing our weird personal conversations we take on.
Yup. It's exactly why we get along so well.

Even before finding a group of ladies who share the same love bored satisfaction of finding duders we would have never met otherwise, I took the meaning of swiping left/swiping right into my own hands.

If you are human, you most likely have a type of guy that you would basically drool like a baby over. I mean I do. and It's one that isn't going away anytime soon. I'm fine with that, don't you worry.

The worst part about tinder is that sometimes it gets BORING: no good guys/you're just wasting time on there because you have nothing else to do so you find yourself liking random guys you would never "suck face" (don't you hate when people use that term. I DO) with. Sometimes, I win at my own game. I also do not message first. So here we go, my matched dudes stereotyped:

NJB Noah: Yep, fully aware his name is Andrew. But so my type. NYU? Smart/trendy. AEPI? Even better. This jewish girl knows her jewish frats when she sees one. He's a potential dude, being twenty, and a Dave lover. He has some asian writing too? Wow, Andrew...Andy...Drew...how cultured of you ;)

Alright fabulous we can get married and he can hire dave to play "Crash Into Me" in the background as he gets on his knees in his blue Vineyard Vines pastel shorts and a nice sassy Ralph Lauren striped button down. We even have mutual friends?! Well damn, invite them to the wedding!

I'm not getting too far ahead of myself right?

Also: NJB? Nice Jewish Boy. Aka what I need to find myself. So if you know of any, please, send them on over. I swear I'm the perfect nice little jewish girl, too.

Blunt Billy: LIKE NO. Although yes, you are probably of middle east decent (damn you, dark skinned/dark haired freaks..), I wasn't too scared. Chances are you could have been Israel? I would have appreciated it. I'm jewish for gd sake. But you threw me a freaking fast curve ball. By you saying your not a terrorist is this some associative math property BS that makes you actually a terrorist.

What business does a terrorist have on a creepy site where you can find people near you (sort of) to prey on.......you know.....?!?

Stalker Steve: this doesn't even need explaining. He just set himself up for his own episode of Date Line. Or Maury. Or probably Dr. Phil considering he sent some pretty creepy shit. Let's break it down. Not in a dance move fashion.
Beautiful Broad? Beautiful I can take *blushes*. Broad? Um. Thats a new one thanks. Sort of creepy and threatening.

Taped my phone to my face? Well thats uncomfortable
FOR TWO DAYS? Do you not have other friends?
Sitting outside my apartment? Well damn, you're life sucks.
Reception in the parking lot? Are you sure this isn't code for you doing some drugs or something...
Playing games with your heart? I mean I haven't answered since you got really creepy so jokes on you for getting creepy.

CYA.

Hungry Harry: Well damn. I already assigned someone to butter my muffin. So Marc, get in line.

You can go shave your back now.
#MeanGirlsQuotes

Quoting She's the Man? Myyyyy dude.

Want to giggle with real life experiences tinder brought into my life?
My first real life date with a dude from tinder. To be honest, I was worried I would become another lifetime movie story. It was the greatest date ever.
Then the second date rolled around and we realized we had nothing in common and he became the lord of douchebaggary. I also showed him a bit of the blog world. WHAT WAS I THINKING.
This guy? Complete rando and I stopped it before it got worse. You belong in the kitchen, douche canoe. Sexist loser.

Share with me and my gal pals your disasters. I wonder if it could top ours.
(Rachael & Melissa)

<div align="center"> <a href="http://prettyinpinkrach.blogspot.com" title="Pip"><img src="http://imgur.com/pfFQHyf" alt="S&S" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Whiney Little Freshmeat

I apologize to my readers who don't get a good laugh out of my single girl adventures. I have self respect, but sometimes ladies is pimps too. And by that I mean everyone has to have some fun.

While staying in the loop with the whole "mating" disasters, today is really no different.

Make sure to link up with some gal pals and I on thursday to tell us about your terribly horrid online dating disaster!

Meet guy. We shall call him Freshmeat Freddy. 

Background story on FF: Met him at school. Fell in love with him because he was one hundred and sixty two percent my type. What could be freakin better? I should have stopped myself from ruining my dreams right there. Granted he was a little smaller (height/weight wise...jeez get your mind out of the gutter) than I wanted but you can't get all your qualifications met. We talked, he was awkward. OH BOY EVEN MORE MY TYPE. We exchanged numbers, went to a club meeting together (woah romantic right?), texted here and there to meet up but never happened. 

Finally one night, Freshmeat Freddy and I were free at the same time. We hung out, obvi. I learned more about who he was. And what was that, you may ask? Gosh darn annoying and immature, hence freshmeat. Aka he's younger than me. I left not really wanting to ever talk to him again besides if I want something from him. Ya know... My apologies. 

It's my blog so I guess it would make sense for you to leave if you are unhappy with my life choice or want to send me hatemail. Otherwise, proceed. 

He texted me the night after our hangout (which ended terribly. He was throwing a tantrum like a child #lame) asking if I wanted to hang out again. I just played too cool to care and said that I was with friends. Blew him off, buh bye!

A few weeks have gone by and I decided I wanted to see what he was up to. Here is exactly how it went (after I said hey first):

Alright so no. I will not give you a pitty party, or rub your head or stay by your bedside and bring you soup and be your mommy and make you feel better. Like, why cant you just not freaking answer me. I probably would have appreciated that MUCH more.

Things I'd rather be doing than care about your headache:

1. Scrub off dead skin from my body

2. Blog about it (oh wait...thanks dude!)

3. Drink and proceed to tell you off about how immature you are

4. Driving into a random state filled with farm land, amish people, and trailer parks with no cell phone reception.

5. Tumblr my pathetic teenage life away

6. Take up a new sport. Maybe like crew or something? Ya know got all dat upper body strength going for me.

7. Learn the lyrics to every TuPac song. I mean that would be pretty cool...

8. Sit on tinder and find boys that would rather tell me that they think I'm pretty (oh gosh wow thanks rando) who WOULDN'T text me to complain about their headache because lets be real almost every guy on tinder is on there for the same reasons. Shout out to the dude's who actually are normal.

9.Work on my two presentations that are due next week. Which says a lot....

10. Read conversations from my ex which makes me miss him hide in a pop out cake and end up at the wrong party.

Bottom line: You are a potential hook up. Not boyfriend. Therefore, I could care less about your whiney little brain with a headache on the side.

And I'm sure we all know how my relationship with Freshmeat Freddy stands.

Granted, he's a nice guy but #OnToTheNextOne

Make sure to link up!

Alright future boyfriend, you can come save me now.

You've got mail! [A linkup]

Now, I am no statistics researcher. or Math professor. Or smart person. But I'm going to guess that about 86% of you are taken. The other 14% are girls that rep that single girl swag.

Why are you single? Kidding. I don't want to know because we all know you don't want to know why I am. Shout out to my ex for being SO awesome and breaking my heart. *Insert sarcasm here*

Since I've been a single Sally for the past three months, I've had my fair share of online dating. I mean really if you look at my freaking twitter, half my tweets are about how much I love tinder. Heck if you search tinder or online dating or guys stink eff you on my blog, you'll find a lot of information that you actually would ever want to.

After chatting with the fabbyfab lady named Rachael at Pretty in Pink, we decided after everything we've been through with online dating we might as well make a damn linkup. The 14% single ladies of the world must feel like same way. Also Melissa agreed, hence a baby linkup was birthed.

Not single? Join the link-up too..if you have an online dating disaster story worth while!

Need some fuel for the fire of a link up you are going to join? Look no freakin' further. I sometimes think I'm Queen B of online dating disasters. 

Tall Tim Part 1//Tall Tim Part 2//Creepy NoName-r//Ex bofo Billy

Come join in on all the fun this thursday. Really do it. Let your mind go wild and bash all those random creepos who don't read your blog. #Amen. 

<div align="center"> <a href="http://prettyinpinkrach.blogspot.com" title="Pip"><img src="http://imgur.com/pfFQHyf" alt="S&S" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Guys suck. Let's drink wine.

Single girl Rachel here, to update you on my happenings. Remember how I told you I went on the best first date ever? Good gosh, was I on hard drugs or something that day? 

Since my life is 99.97% of the time not worth sharing with you all, my single girl adventures totes make up for it all.  Maybe because I'm naive, or just think it's down right funny, I love sharing my stories with ya. 

So that dude I went on a date with? Yea, we've kept in touch and I was so excited for date #2 this past weekend. Originally friday we were supposed to live it up, but due to age restrictions (aka I stink and am not 21), we couldn't go halloweekend-ing together. Looking back, I'm glad we didn't. We settled for saturday brunch (dangit, again?) and just to hang out after.

So thats what happened. I drove to him at 10 AM and off to brunch we went.

He was weirdly quiet. We had awkward silences AND forced conversation to avoid the awkward silences that were 9/10 times there. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE MOST PERFECT GUY IN THE WORLD!?!

He paid for brunch (yesssssss! free brunch round dos), and we went back to his place to hang out and watch a movie. PG13 stuff right here: We kissed. He had cold hands. No bueno. I STILL THOUGHT HE ROCKED. WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG?

He couldn't talk thats what. And neither could I. Not even after he warmed up to me again by kissing me. I was confused. Finally after deciding I should go because he was being weird, He agreed.

His car was parked in the same lot as me, a few blocks from his apartment. 

Forced conversation happened again. And the true test was to see if he would kiss me goodbye.

*Also, who said it was okay to kiss on a second date? Erg.*

We got to my car, a side hug was exchanged. You could tell he didn't even want to be near me.

All he could say after not making eye contact was "Well, have fun in Canada talk to you later".

Going to canada was not the day after. ITS 5 DAYS AFTER TODAY, I thought.

I was stunned so all I could come up with was "Well yeah bye".

Talk to you never, loser.

Being the angry stupid feeling-like-I-should-be-in-a-movie-right-now attitude, I sped to the mall jamming out to my single gal jam (I'm out by Ciara and Nicki. LISTEN TO THIS.) and bought a really hot shirt. Can't wait to drunky snapchat his booty in it. #NOTEVENDAMNSORRY

Hey now.

Hope I could entertain you on your monday with the craziness of my life.

Hopefully you've never had to deal with a series of unfortunate events.

At least I got two free meals out of it. 

Chivalry is only half dead then? Maybe.

Guys suck. Lets drink wine.

That infinity stuff you love birds talk about

How do you know when it's forever with Mr. boyfriend? No seriously, just wondering.

Is it when you can stay in bed all day, cuddle, and watch massive amounts of netflix until beyond the point of your eyes hurting? (Who says you can't do that alone? Asking for my good friend, of course.)

Or how about when you can open up to someone that you are a blogger. And they admire you and think you are so cool and they respect the fact that you open up to complete strangers (but secretly think what is my woman doing, talking to random women gossiping about their guy and lady problems via the world wide web?).

What about when they put you (sometimes) before themselves. Sure babe, I want to watch your favorite movie...or  Of course sweetie, I want to go out and pick up your favorite food when your feeling down. *I mean I'm down to have a boyfriend to bring me endless burritos. So random dude that finds my blog..if you even exist. Remember that. Just make sure you are not a creep and I can do a background check on you. Thankies.*

How about the beau that gets you your fun feminine products? Um yes you better. No question to that one. Be a man about it. We deal with days of pain (and months when preggo) the least you could do is buy us our weird lady diapers and products. Chocolate? It's a plus. Learn it and love it.

To the guy that kills spiders/insects/anything creepy and crawly, you are a forever dude. Love at first kill. That's a thing, right? Just make sure you are easily reachable at all times.

The dude that gives you a knife to protect yourself when he's not around. Ok no, you are just dumb and over protective and creepy and why are you giving me a knife? JUST NO. (read: this has never happened to me. thank gosh. long story.)

Lastly, a man that can beat your candy crush levels for you is a man who can get through anything. Alrighttttt highly debatable. But who doesn't love nice gestures of love?

So what do you think, how do you know when he's the forever and ever, can't eat/can't sleep, I want to instagram and tweet about how much I adore you everyday dude? Let me know.

Or don't. I'll probably just continue to read your blog page on how you met the one. And be a hopeful romantic. And eat a lot of popcorn. Happy single girl friday to me!

What says Single better than songs you can sing your heart out to? Thanks J.D.
Linking up with my spirit animal, Whit!

Stage5 clinger reporting for duty

Because as if my single girl adventures weren't the least bit entertaining, I have a story for ya! I went on a date saturday. He is a tall working dude, and totes 100% my type. Not going into minor details, but I told him I blogged. And showed him someones blog I follow (serious gasps up in here. Don't worry its probably not you). Stupid me I forgot my blog button was on their sidebar...and I showed him on HIS computer. Let's hope he doesn't see my blog. Or this post. Heck, he most certainly doesn't have time for my college girl life shenans.

Anywho, the date was Saturday. Today is Tuesday. The date was nothing less than perfect. (I've never gone on a date with someone I haven't known before. Gulp city over here!) He texted me that night telling me he had a great time. Me too. SCOREEEEEEEEE.

So Sunday happened, and we texted once or twice. Monday happened. I get he has a sunrise to sunset job but he somehow FOUND time to add me on snapchat. During the day. He has time for that but not to text me? Then he snapchatted me...so 2013, I know.

After consulting with a friend, she told me to wait. So I waited. and waited some more. And got a nice haircut that makes me feel like a mom. And waited some more. And finally at around 730 I snap chatted him back. He sent me one back. Then I sent one of my sassy new hair cut, again. No answer.

830? I texted him. LAMEST CONVO EVER. Like yes I do care about your day but can't you just tell me already you are falling for me and we can get married and live happily forever after and have nice snuggle seshes with netflix and cookie dough?

He's going away this week and I just want to say, "Oh hey I know you'll be drunk starting tonight but just remember the cute little short girl you took on a date last weekend when you're about to swap spit with some henious ladies dressed in bunny costumes". For real, I'm watching out for you, homie.

Here ya have it. My problems as a clingy, stage five-er. Not sorry about it.

Douche Canoe Diaries

Background: Whitney aka funniest lady to blog stalk came up with the term "Douche Canoe" in this post. Not only did I love the newly coined term, but I wanted to use it on my own. Unluckily (or luckily) enough, I was soon able to use it. Hence, leading to my first #DoucheCanoeDiaries post.

Remember how I told you I found the ex on tinder the other day?

Well this app never ceases to amaze me with all the weirdo's I find on here. 

still thinking to myself why the hell I stay on tinder but it's strictly for shits and gigs, like Mr. Ex-y pants said to me.

All these scumbuckets try to get your number in easy peasy ways like "oh hey this app makes me loose battery whats your number". And I'm like eh ok you seem normal.

let it be known I don't give my number out easily...you judgmental ladies of 'merica. 

I mean, I agree, it drains the bajeezus out of my battery and it occupies me from all the long lectures I must sit through to get a solid college education. 

Regardless..

This one guy. I stopped answering him periodically because I frankly don't need to talk to you often.

Then this happened the other day. While he was trying to convince me to come visit him and party. Halllllll to the no. 

I mean, feel free to text him hate messages and prank call him. I even forget his name...Oops. I just know he looks like a chubbier version of Mac Miller. So if your bored/into that....

I was livid. Who da eff are you to say things? I automatically tweeted about it angrily. 

YA DONT MESS WITH BLOGGERS.

Whitney replied with this:

@Sun_and_Sinatra Respond, "This number is no longer receiving texts from douche canoes. Please fuck off and don't try again later."
— Whitney Ellen (@WhitneyEllen) October 4, 2013

Ummm... so you think I'm going to answer you after that? Hahaha. Yeah. No.
Douche canoe strikes again. Like I'm sorry do you not get the hint?

Writing "Hey" with three E's is not going to help your cause, bud. 

Update: As of yesterday, he keeps texting me. I no answer. Mwahaha.

Someone please tell me to get off Tinder. 

I am just a creep magnet. 

Girls are stupid: Sophomore Year Observations

This is pretty stereotypical. and I'm clearly a girl but I want to be honest here. So maybe this is me venting more of my frustration. Am I sorry? Nah.  

I guess last year, and part of the reason I wasn't happy with school was because I wanted to see my boyfriend every weekend. I loved his school/friends/life and wanted it to be my own. Luckily, transferring this semester has been the best decision I've made, even without him in the picture. 

It's been pretty stinky to see girls not want to go out because they're boyfriends told them they shouldn't. Or even that their boyfriends told them they couldn't wear a certain type of shirt.

I see girls, into only their third week of college, and already considering transferring because they are never here and always with their boyfriends. 

Excuse me while I wear this to a party:

Ladies got to live a little.

In other news...things I've observed/don't understand as a sophomore in college:

-When people drive by you when you are fully clothed and scream rude phrases at you. Do you not see me in a turtleneck sweater, pants, and boots?

-Walking everywhere is the best. Except I do use my car to go off campus to eat normal people food. 

-You're not letting me into your party because you are full? You just let 5 girls in in front of you. and excuse me, I am now a sorority girl. 

-It's still okay to upload party pics with red cups. Well thats what I think according to my facebook newsfeed...

-Studying around others can be productive. While writing this post I'm sitting with 3 other friends of mine and we are all in our own worlds jamming to some random pandora station but #workhardplayhard right? Something like that...

Here's to stuffing my face all the time. 

Single girl swag out!