Douche Canoe Diaries

Background: Whitney aka funniest lady to blog stalk came up with the term "Douche Canoe" in this post. Not only did I love the newly coined term, but I wanted to use it on my own. Unluckily (or luckily) enough, I was soon able to use it. Hence, leading to my first #DoucheCanoeDiaries post.

Remember how I told you I found the ex on tinder the other day?

Well this app never ceases to amaze me with all the weirdo's I find on here. 

still thinking to myself why the hell I stay on tinder but it's strictly for shits and gigs, like Mr. Ex-y pants said to me.

All these scumbuckets try to get your number in easy peasy ways like "oh hey this app makes me loose battery whats your number". And I'm like eh ok you seem normal.

let it be known I don't give my number out easily...you judgmental ladies of 'merica. 

I mean, I agree, it drains the bajeezus out of my battery and it occupies me from all the long lectures I must sit through to get a solid college education. 

Regardless..

This one guy. I stopped answering him periodically because I frankly don't need to talk to you often.

Then this happened the other day. While he was trying to convince me to come visit him and party. Halllllll to the no. 

I mean, feel free to text him hate messages and prank call him. I even forget his name...Oops. I just know he looks like a chubbier version of Mac Miller. So if your bored/into that....

I was livid. Who da eff are you to say things? I automatically tweeted about it angrily. 

YA DONT MESS WITH BLOGGERS.

Whitney replied with this:

@Sun_and_Sinatra Respond, "This number is no longer receiving texts from douche canoes. Please fuck off and don't try again later."
— Whitney Ellen (@WhitneyEllen) October 4, 2013

Ummm... so you think I'm going to answer you after that? Hahaha. Yeah. No.
Douche canoe strikes again. Like I'm sorry do you not get the hint?

Writing "Hey" with three E's is not going to help your cause, bud. 

Update: As of yesterday, he keeps texting me. I no answer. Mwahaha.

Someone please tell me to get off Tinder. 

I am just a creep magnet.